Wednesday, December 27, 2006


"My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over. Our Constitution works; our great Republic is a government of laws and not of men. Here the people rule. But there is a higher Power, by whatever name we honor Him, who ordains not only righteousness but love, not only justice but mercy."

--Gerald Ford, promising things he didn't want to in his oath of office, August 9th, 1974. God was angry being mentioned, trust me.

HENRY FORD MUSEUM, DEARBORN, MICHIGAN--The late-President who was never-elected to the post, who pardoned Nixon, who told NYC to "drop-dead" during their bankruptcy-crisis during the mid-1970s, the man who was the last person to believe Arlen Specter's "single-bullet-theory", the last living-member of the Warren Commission who believed it, is dead. How? Hey, he was 93, everything hurts at that age, Jesus. We can only hope so. Other than Coolidge or Harding, he was our first non-President President before George Bush I & II. This and last-year brought a few pratfalls in President Bush, but with the transmigration complete, we'll see him falling the full-length down the stairs of Airforce One. Chevy Chase will be thankful he's in-retirement. He lived a long-time: longer than Martin Luther King jr., Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Bobby Kennedy, Fred Hampton, John Kennedy, Nixon--probably because he wasn't worth killing, or taking-down.

The late-President's body and seersucker will be coated in shellac, and placed next to the Edsel at the Henry Ford Museum. There they'll be, the two failures from Michigan. Robert McNamara will also be shellacked next-to the others. Maybe they can stick some wires up-his-ass and make him an animatronic, but he'd probably still fall-down onto somebody. We're talking liabilities here, people. He pardoned Nixon, which allowed Iran-Contra and the Bush II administration to occur. His peculiar act of allowing Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney into his administration just continued the threat to our democracy from their origins in the Nixon administration. By allowing these guys from CREEP into his administration, we literally got a continuity from the Nixon one! History has proven Ford an ass ever since he took that oath (and violated it again-and-again). Nothing to mourn here, move-along.

Our era's Warren G. Harding is dead, yet never made-up any words like "bloviate" or "normalcy." It was a life unlived, devoid of meaning or heroics. When you looked into-the-eyes of Gerald Ford, you saw the unfeeling, uncaring-qualities of nature. The void. In a few-decades, they can put some of that nanotech up-his-ass. He'll finally be a real person, then. Pardon me, Jerry. What a wrong-headed moron, a constitutional home-wrecker. Plenty of his kind in Michigan, they'll dig-up another one, you'll see. Some golf-playing turd with an alligator on his tit. All Ford's death should remind us of is that Watergate wasn't dealt-with properly--America shouldn't be "spared" a trial of George W. Bush and his administration. We can take it this-time, the future of American democracy depends-on-it. We insisted in the last-election.


  1. you rock Matt and you sure write one hell of a truthful obit. It's taken away the nausea I felt earlier listening to Bloomberg and Koch kiss ass and make nice.

    thanks for visiting my site earlier and leaving the great question. I made a post on it and hope you'll read when you have time.

  2. Thanks Lexa. I saw a photo of you--was it you--you looked like Anis Nin or Maya Deren, and you definitely rock too. Hope to meet and get a reading, it's been too-long here. The ex was great at it--as women are--too-long. A wise woman guessed my mother's sex in Arkansas, 1944, fancy that. I'm looking at your site immediately, and I enjoin others to as well.