DAY 12 IN THE STANDOFF AT JERRY FORD'S GRAVE: NO SIGNS OF MOVEMENT

GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN--A white dove flew onto the vault...and crapped. Did we mention he played a great-game of golf? He didn't pick-his-teeth at gatherings either--ugh, let's not talk about him pardoning Nixon, it was to "heal" the nation anyway. Yes, it's great he did this, it avoided us ever having another constitutional crisis in-our-lifetimes. Boy, what a relief, like a good shit in the morning. Feel healed?