Thursday, August 31, 2006

Dave Mustaine is an Asshole.

Call me biased, but I never liked this asshole and his shitty non-music. Call me crazy, but it was always Black Sabbath (Ozzy-era, the only good one). The Sabs wrote "War Pigs" ferchrissake! In the lyrics of "Master of Reality" and "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath," they challenged God himself as a hypocrite, and so they challenged all authority. That's fucking cool! Heavy music began as a music of protest, but I never thought Megadeth was anything but pandering crap. Megadeth is a cop-out to thinking. Slayer has been the same over the years, though I'd take their early-period any day (River's Edge!).

Did the MC5 and the Stooges suffer for this shit?! Did Deep Purple? The Sex Pistols? Blue Cheer? Motorhead? Leave it to metalheads to misinterpret something done better by someone-else. Take the New York Dolls--how did that become Poison and Motley Crue?! The irony is that those bands made glam more homoerotic. The shitty music is bad enough, but do you have to make a clumsy attempt at politics too? If you polled all the metalheads in the world, I guarantee the vast majority would be reactionary conservatives. Real rebels. Neo-nazis like Megadeth, too. Do a google-search for "Aryan Nations Megadeth," and tell me what you find.

During Operation Desert Storm (Bush War I), some Air Force pilots contacted the band Slayer and told them how great it was listening to their music while they were bombing-and-strafing Iraqi civilians. Naturally, Slayer was thrilled! That is a far cry from the glory days of Black Sabbath, the true cornerstone of metal. What happened? They got fat and lazy, dumbass--just watch that pussy Mustaine crying his eyes out over how lousy his career has been in "Some Kind of Monster." He sucks, and he knows it. So you can play fast? How juvenile is that mentality?!

It's scary to watch people parading their unwillingness to grow up, kinda like Grateful Dead fans used to be. It just gets creepy after awhile. With metal, it's CREEPIER.
But anyway, look at some Megadeth fans, it isn't pretty. You've seen them at the County Fair, and you've seen them leaving the parking-lots out at the drag strip. But when there's a sports-riot, or a carnival and cheap-beer...they are there. I know this, because I have lived my entire life in a museum dedicated to the childhoods of these kind of turds.

You might even know them, and I'm sorry if you do. My next-door neighbor definitely is, but I won't let him borrow anything and he also likes Lynyrd Skynyrd. Unlike Dave Mustaine, I don't think my neighbor was a supporter of H.Ross Perot. Dave's grandstanding for Perot must have been during the "cocaine period" at MTV, which would be his only excuse. But did he freebase it?
Did he ever do crack? Crystal-meth? Maybe this is why he's such a spastic-idiot.

Yes, my Northern Indiana has East Chicago where John Dillinger was assassinated by the FBI, the dunes, and Notre Dame has her fans...but the rest is Mennonites and ass-rockers in tights. There was a time when Chicago gangs could hide around the country lakes, hiding in their safe houses. Hoosiers have never been that skilled, but nowadays slobs abound, people who were genetically programmed for factory work. Maybe they're just mentally lazy. It doesn't matter. They're simply dull. Some of them resemble "Z-man" from "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls," only they're faggier.

Maybe this whole machismo act in metal is about overcompensation? Lenny Bruce nailed it when he said, "There's nothing sadder than an aging hipster." That's Michiana, the place I live, filled with aging white trash rockers who hate culture. And THAT, is Dave Mustaine's audience, the people who think that their years in Middle and High School were "the best years of their lives." Yes, and then we all had to grow up and work, and do whatever.

During my Senior year of High School, the person who told me, "I'm so glad to be graduating. Now I'll never have to read a book again," was a Megadeth fan. Frankly, you have to be a reactionary idiot to be a fan of this band. So, today, it was with little surprise when I happened to see Megadeth's new album cover. It features the UN's NYC building exploding, with the title "United Abominations". Yeah. It says nothing, just like everything Dave Mustaine has ever touched. OK Dave, you say you think the UN is ineffectual (as he implies on the cover of "Peace Sells..."), and who knows what the hell the new-cover is saying? You have two Jack Kirby-era Marvel supervillains on the cover, and these explosions dotting the UN's headquarters coming from...what? Who did it? Or is it the World Trade Center?
What the fuck does this yearbook-drawing cover say, you Libertarian asshole?! Pay your taxes, chumpzillas, tax cheats.

You see, this is what's so annoying about Dave Mustaine. It's his political-posturing, as though he were the mental equal of a Joe Strummer or a John Lydon. He's not, he's a dumb-fuck who should shut-up and not-not play guitar. But he's not alone in metal, that domain of the sub-intellect. But first, understand that I'm a fan of most of the classics of heavy metal. I even like early Judas Priest and Motorhead. At one time, metal was populated with reasonably intelligent people. It didn't last long.

But take Black Sabbath's bassist, Geezer Butler: he was the mastermind of the most- mportant of Sabbath's lyrics during the Ozzy era (part of why Ozzy can't remember them?), and his lyrical points were always clear. War Pigs is obviously an antiwar song. Sabbath even had lots of anti-drug songs, though that is another story! But you always knew where they stood as a band from their lyrics:

Politicians hide themselves away
They only started the war
Why should they go out to fight?
They leave that role to the poor

Mustaine's lyrics never make any sense, his postition is usually unclear, and his vocals make Ozzy Osbourne sound like Pavoratti:
What do you mean, I dont believe in god?
I talk to him every day.
What do you mean, I dont support your system?
I go to court when I have to.
What do you mean, I can't get to work on time?
I got nothing better to do.
And, what do you mean, I dont pay my bills?
Why do you think I'm broke? huh?
Sounds a lot like a moron with no credibility, doesn't it? Oddly, it's almost like a weird metal version of Stan Ridgeway and the Wall of Voodoo. He sounds like a politician, using a lot of words, but saying nothing. At least Ridgeway said something with his lyrics. That's OK if you're doing art-rock! Mustaine literally sounds like he's whining the lyrics, a kind of preverbal grunt/whine of a rat. He has had the worst haircuts I have ever seen, forget mullets.

Mustaine's guitar work: a lot of multi-layered crap with bad guitar tone. It has too much treble and not enough mid-range or bass for heft. It's thin.
Solos: the usual unexpressive scale-exercises for beginners, with lots of grandstanding. Worse than mullets. Not even Steve Jones could save their disastrous cover of "Anachy in the UK," it's awful. The Shocker soundtrack--what a classic. In fact, Mustaine's entire catalog is spectacularly bad. He has bigger problems.

Wearing glasses actually made Mustaine look stupider.
We can be assured that "United Abominations" lives up to its title. Now we hear that Dave has a fixation on the number 11. Yes, 11, as in 9/11? The CD/MP3/8-track/Reel-to-Reel/Mini-disc will have 11 tracks (12 in Japan, which means WHAT DAVE?! WHAT?!). The artwork was the 11th entry in a contest for the best cover. Get it? Me either, and thank God for that.

[ED.-OH WAIT!! WOW! SHIT! I get it, like in Spinal Tap!! You got me, the 60s-70s weren't worth this shit.]