Friday, September 15, 2006

Bush Administration Threatens Military Lawyers With Torture





BIZARROWORLD--Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), a staunch- opponent of the Bush administration's definitions of torture and rendition, mentioned in an open-letter that JAGs (judge advocate generals) had been held in a meeting by the Bush administration for five-hours to force them into signing-off on some torturing. These shills weren't taking the bait. A previous July-revelation showed that JAGs had ruled-against 2003 standards for torture proposed by the Bush administration, so the boys had it coming from the decider. Aides to the President ordered the JAGs into a naked human-pyramid, while Van Halen's '5150' blared on a boombox in a corner of the conference room. Two of the lawyers began showing signs-of-stress after two-hours, while one opined that "this music sucks, and I'm not intimidated by this." In short-order, CIA-operatives took said-individual to an adjoining-cell and applied waterboarding-techniques that would have made Cotton Mather proud. Soon, an exorcist from the Vatican was summoned, and by hour four, it was obvious these marks weren't budging. "Give em' the third-degree," chortled the President, giddily, through a speaker-phone. But it was for-nought--these weren't cowards like most Americans, these were MEN. They ate red-meat and watched pornography, and watching a female-recruit in a bikini wasn't going to faze them...they'd seen-it-all, jim. Take-that, Buckaroos. Him destroy stupor-man...