Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Bobby Flaying-of-the-flesh (fiction?)


TV
--He is--after-all--THE heterosexual-chef. He'll tell you so. The TV chef...does anyone really use those recipes? Be honest. They look good, but then you have to actually make them.

This modern life makes my head hurt. Mystery still surrounds Flay's connection to the legendary 'Patterson-Gimlin film' of 1967. Does yeti and bigfoot taste gamey and dry? What would one use for gravy? Would it be cannibalism to eat another primate (nobody asked you, vegans)?

Where was Flay when the Patterson-Gimlin film taken? Can he give me the recipe to his fish tacos? Did his wife marry him for the cooking? And when is that El Chupacabra recipe coming--hungry Puerto Ricans and Mexicans want to know! And how on God's gray earth does one marinate Cthuloid-tentacles?

I want to know, and surely many readers do too. And those alien cadavers--they're everywhere, and need to be eaten. How does one prepare them: broasting, roasting, boiling? I mean, mutilated cattle...we know this one.