"SEMI-PRO only "SEMI"-Comical": Semi-Pro (2008) review, by the Uncredible Duke™

I just watched Semi-pro, the much anticipated new film starring the hilarious Will Ferrell. Sadly, it did not live up to my expectations. Granted, ever since I saw "Talladega Nights," another of Ferrell's offerings, I have expected a good deal more out of the comedies that I watch. Talladega Nights was probably one of the top ten funniest movies I've ever seen--it's in my top twenty. And, I suppose, it's not fair to expect that same level of hilarity out of every comedy from now on, even if it DOES have Will Ferrell in it. But it wasn't just Will Ferrell: there are lots of funny guys in this flick, like Wil Arnett (Arrested Development), Woody Harrellson, and the humor mogul himself, Ice Cube. [Ed.-He's damned funny, especially in John Carpenter's "Ghosts of Mars."] It even has Andre 2000 of Outkast fame. Sadly, what it does not have is a lot of laughs.

Ferrell's Jackie Moon character is pathetic, and the laughs wear thin pretty fast with this guy. When he's doing his team pre-game introductions at the beginning of the feature, he goes on about one of the players being married to the hottest woman in Flint, Michigan. He goes on to talk about her giant "cannons," which he then clarifies to be "boobies." The announcers even get into the act, arguing whether the breasts in question are "magnificent," "too-big," and "structurally-unsound."

Now sure, all THAT bit was funny, but the funny doesn't last. [Ed.-Sounds like an accurate portrayal of 1970s America to me!] And we NEVER get a look at the hot wife in question. You know...the one with the massive cannons? [Ed.--Obviously, this is the movie's greatest sin...] Yeah, she's not in the picture at all! How are you going to tease us with talk of some chick whose breasts are so large as to possibly be TOO big, and then not even give us a sweater shot or nothing. Well, that right there was probably enough to bias me against the film forever. But on top of that, there is this whole disturbing subplot involving Woody Harrelson's character and an old lost love, (played by the lead-chick from News Radio) who has re-married, but Woody is chasing after anyway.

Is our society really that far gone that I'm the only one who doesn't like stories about people cheating in their marriages? [Ed.--Yes, give-up.] I mean, I'm REALLY not the type to talk about the sanctity of marriage, or any shit like that, but it honestly offends me to see that even totally absurd fictional characters are nonchalantly disregarding marital infidelity. And why all of the stories with characters who don't seem to have a problem with these situations?

Frankly, it's the reason I don't watch King of the Hill, and, although I LOVE Johnny Cash, it's the reason I haven't seen Walk the Line. [Ed.--It's not that good anyway...] Marriage means forever. [Ed.-It does? After we're all dead? Man, screw that, I never signed-up for that shit.] If that's not what you want, then DON'T GET MARRIED. Personally, I agree with old granddad from "The Boondocks," who said, "I believe ALL marriage is wrong."

Preach it brother, and what about Semi-pro? Only semi-funny. Maybe not a horrible movie, but do yourself a solid and wait for it to hit cable.