No, it's not Urkle: It's mad dog, race-baiting Tony Zirkle!

Indiana's 2nd District--Expect much more on this individual, Tony Zirkle. Who is Mr. Zirkle? You could not make someone like Tony Zirkle up, only the human condition could. It would be too polite to refer to him as a confirmed whack-o, or that he's decidedly racist. Zirkle's law office (one of five he purportedly owns and runs) is located in Crown Point, Indiana, a place that would be essentially unknown were it not for John Dillinger's clever escape from the County Jail with a wooden-gun.

Zirkle compromises the worst that Indiana has to offer the rest of humanity, forget the rest of America. On Sunday, The South Bend Tribune--our one newspaper--asked all of the runners for seats in and representing Indiana, some interesting questions on current issues.

Each of the runners' political affiliation, educational background, political experience, and even age, were laid-out nicely. First, we got a lot of hot air from soon-to-be former Republican Governor Mitch Daniels (aka "Scarface," Bush's economics adviser in the first term, hint-hint), and some interesting answers from Jill Long Thompson, and James Schellinger, both Democrats running against the incumbent governor. Not a bad piece, and all done from questionnaires sent to each candidate.

Democratic Representative Joe Donnelly's answers about Iraq--and nearly everything else-- were disappointing as usual, and there appears to be no viable Democratic candidate to replace him in this district...but that's where the GOP's runners come in, at the tail-end of the piece.

Of all of the candidates for the 2nd District of Indiana's representative seat, Joseph Alan Roush wins the award for the most human and progressive platform on every issue he was questioned on, including Iraq--he wants a full-withdrawal. Immigration? he wants an end to NAFTA, and doesn't blame migratory workers and illegal immigrants. If Roush actually makes it further, it will be because of a progressive platform, and not because he's a Republican. It's doubtful Indiana's GOP will be giving him much support.

But this makes Roush a more reasonable candidate than the boorish Joe Donnelly, a man who won't be getting my vote anytime soon. The rest is fine-print, see for yourself. But then...then (brace yourselves), there's Tony Zirkle:

Tony Hvfvgpd Zirkle

Address: Homeless [Ed.-?!]

Political affiliation: Republican -- Original Intent [Ed.-?!]

Occupation: Attorney

Education: U.S. Naval Academy; Georgetown University, B.S.F.S. International Economics; Andrews University, B.A. religion & economics; Indiana University Bloomington School of Law, J.D.; Andrews University Theological Seminary, master's in divinity candidate (two tests remain to completion)

Political Experience: 1988-1989 -- Indiana state president, Future Business Leaders of America; 1989, 1990, 1992 -- class president, U.S. Naval Academy.

Ran as a Republican for the following offices [Ed.--And blessedly failed...]:

2000 -- Indiana House, District 8

2002 & 2006 -- St. Joseph Co. Prosecutor

2004, 2006, & 2008 -- U.S. House of Representatives, Indiana 2nd District

Age: 38

What's the best solution to the conflict in Iraq?

The best solution? Stop glorifying adultery by enshrining neo-Baal porn worship in the heart of the First Amendment. Porn-adultery appoints "terror" to us. Lev. 26:16. Remember, slave-raping extended the Civil War. [Ed.--The meaning of this answer escapes me entirely, but perhaps Mr. Zirkle should try his hand at writing science fiction some time in the near-future, he's got a wild imagination. At-minimum, the candidate appears to be sexually-obsessed. One has to wonder if he's ever seen a prostitute or a mistress...]

Describe your position on illegal immigration.

If we want immigration fixed, the absolute critical issue is to secure local concurrent jurisdiction to enforce immigration laws with no bond holds. I would compromise on almost all for that. [Ed.--It should be noted here that Mr. Zirkle represents illegal immigrants. One might ask him how many clients he has achieved exoneration for.]

Explain your position on the rising price of oil.

We need a LaPorte County U.S. Civil Service Academy where the master's and doctorate students and researchers will have an unobstructed key to the patent office for energy technological development. [Ed.-?!] ("Candidates Seek to Challenge Donnelly," The South Bend Tribune, 04.27.2008)

And there it is, Tony Zirkle. He has a presence on the Internet, making a real spectacle of himself regularly there (and in courtrooms). Google his name sometime. You're bound to be offended, but always entertained.

Yet the fear will remain that there are creatures bearing his name: race-baiter, religious nut, and all-around opportunist and grouser, Tony Zirkle. Dr. Seuss could never had made you up. He didn't do nightmares (much). And here I didn't even mention that Tony wants to bring back the guillotine, and a segregated United States that closely resembles the version the Aryan Nations would prefer. Then, there's the birthday party for Hitler that he attended recently with some armband wearing friends. Tony Zirkle: how the other 1% lives.

"Candidates Seek to Challenge Donnelly," The South Bend Tribune, 04.27.2008: http://www.southbendtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080427/NEWS07/804270385/-1/elections

Tony's Scary, and he keeps scarier company...I think: http://wonkette.com/politics/tony-zirkle/tony-zirkle-keepin-it-scarily-real-168906.php

Tony at a birthday party for Adolph Hitler: http://nwitimes.com/articles/2008/04/23/news/top_news/docf6a35b9d5a72e89d8625743300832e52.txt

"Worst Campaign Idea Ever?": http://thenewsdispatch.com/main.asp?SectionID=1&SubSectionID=1&ArticleID=12532