Tuesday, September 04, 2007

What's the terror alert at over at Fox News? Part II

FOXUNIVERSE--I'm guessing it's at "Elevated" again. You think the world is ever safe to these Chicken Little-types? Not if their livelihoods depend on it! I'm digging the Asian chick who's replaced Bill O'Reilly. Is he on-vacation in the Carib...OK, mentioning 'loofahs' is just unfair. What if Al Franken wins and becomes a senator from Minnesota? Why can't I vote for someone like him here in Indiana? Where are the greats from this once-great state? Who are the Eugene Debs and Kurt Vonneguts of today? Who are the new Booth Tarkingtons, Hoagy Carmichaels, or James Whitcomb Rileys? Where's the next Cole Porter or James Dean? Can we stop making Indiana movies about sports?! Why do 'Hoosiers' pronounce flesh as 'flaish'? What happened here? Did someone drop a stupidity-bomb? Maybe it was Edward Teller and Ronald Reagan. Why am I immune?

The jury is in (love): Fox News has the hottest chicks, hands-down now. Again with the Asian chick--that pile of hair, I love it! One day, she had a former Justice Department gal with hair that equally tall, I was in heaven! Yes, us men really do love that old-fashioned look, that feminine-look. C'mon you lesbians--you like it too in your mate, admit it. It's adorning a woman and appreciating her beauty, and if it's not comfortable, they don't have to look that way all the time anyway. But I've always loved women with really long-hair, it can be lovely.

It's not an Ayn Rand thing, believe me, she was a hag like Andrea Dworkin (OK, not that ugly), these women are H-O-T. Really, who wouldn't want to see a woman all hennaed-out reading the news in a belly dancer's costume, even while spouting right-wing hate? Especially if she got all pouty-lipped, like Ginger on Gilligan's Island. Let's face it, this is just really sexy, and I'd love to watch all these beauty queens do something really bold: recite English-translations of Hitler's speeches aloud to me, forget on television. No, scratch the translations-auf Deutsch! I found Bill O'Reilly's temp-replacement entrancing, fetching, and I almost started believing Fox's B.S. for a moment, it's true. I'm sure a number of lesbians felt the same way...