Tuesday, December 05, 2006

THE RETURN OF THE RETURN OF THE RETURN OF FURIOUS GEORGE

THE UNITED STATES AGAIN--My little droogies, it appears George W. Bush is finally cracking...a bottle open, that is. Cee-ment ponds, movi-eeee staaarrrss. He's drinking some Wild Turkey right now, yup. Maybe some Maker's Mark (good shit). Maybe some 12-year-old scotch. But first, he needs to swallow that stick of butter to coat his (Lynyrd) innerds, like that other GOP-dumbass, Joe McCarthy von Wisconsin. Dry-drunk my ass, he's no quitter. 'That'll learn ya', he'll say at his next press conference. I'm wondering if he'll start talking to all the Presidential-portraits in the White House like Nixon did, but he probably wouldn't know any of them unless they had those great name-plates at the bottom of the frames. But then, he would have to read. This would cause him mental-pain, and he would have to summon a Secret Service agent to read-it-aloud for him. He must whine like Dr. Smith from Lost in Space.

Then, however, he'd have to figure-out which century they served during. This could pose-a-dilemma. He might have to think, and that hurts. He still thinks FDR oversaw Reconstruction ('Freed the niggers, didn't he, haw-haw-haw! How you like that one Karl?'), so maybe he'll just bust-out a photo of Frank Sinatra, or Dean Martin and start touching-himself. OK, you-got-me: Nixon was superb, a gem. He actually had to work to achieve what he did. Bush has created more-confusion in government than anyone since Hitler, and I defy anyone to prove me wrong on this in the intervening-years of investigations.

He is President Niedermeier, our Animal House Chief and decider. Well, at least before November 8th. What a fucking-hick. He sure is from Texas, yup--the asshole of Texas, the Permian basin. Besides misinterpreting everything else in both books of the Bible, he had delusions of adequacy: when Jesus said, 'Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's, and give unto the Lord what is the Lord's,' he didn't mean you should suck-off Caesar (Bush's superrich backers) over-and-over, like a dog. I mean, really, what a pervert he is. Not everything stays in Vegas, baby. Imagine Telly Savalas reading this piece (with the sucker in his mouth, sounding jaded and drunk).

He's getting angry again at those pesky reporters. Just listen to the tone of how he's speaking: he's yelling! Now his dad is crying-in-public again, something he woulda never done when he was in-office, nosirree. He really should get into some of that Skull & Bones dope-stash they have at 'the crypt' at Yale, he's got the key. He can use Geronimo's skull for a bong, he knows the drill. I wish I was joking about this last-part. Get the god damned 'nuk-laar-foohbahhhhhl' away from this asshole, please? Maybe the Secret Service will be forced to shoot-him, like Caligula was stabbed-to-death by the Praetorian guard, but I can see them pondering if they should even bother. Why bother? Congress and the courts will likely do all of that, including the Hague. We should put all of them in Spandau prison, where they had Rudolf Hess and Albert Speer, all those great guys.

The alternative is finding-out what Cuba has lived-through for decades, an almost total-isolation on the world stage. Why? Because we signed fucking treaties, that's why, you dumbass Middle American Libertarians and hicks. And enough of your anti-Masonry conspiricism, you all sound like the Muslim Brotherhood, you crazy beer, meth, and crack-soaked assholes.This isn't a fuckin' football game or pro-wrestling, it's reality. If other nations cannot trust you anymore, you're basically-fucked as a country and a people. Trade embargoes, boycotting of nearly all American goods and services, potential wars where the world has to gang-up on the U.S. because we're in a free-fall like Germany was in the 1930s-40s, etc. And with Russia's shenanigans and China added to this toxic-mix, we really don't need to add a collapsing USA to the list of failed-states. It would probably mean the end of human society as we all know it. What a phagocyte, George W. Bush. He's the patron saint of crooked-rednecks; Chinese overlords, oilmen and energy executives, the Saudi oligarchs, and the twisted rich. 'Pathetic-asshole' was invented for him, and him-alone.