Monday, December 04, 2006

The Geico Caveman ads, and Jessica Simpson's Gaffe (tits-n'-ass)

I'm with Orson Welles on this: many technical-innovations in the movies begin with advertising on television. When Welles visited Europe, the first-thing he when he entered his king-size Hotel room was to turn on his TV, turn-off the sound, and watch the images and editing of the latest-ads. Look, I don't like corporate-advertising, it's propaganda by-another-name, but he was right. Commercials are very high-end affairs, with many of the best directors being hired to to do them. They are cutting-edge, because they have to convey a lot in 30-seconds-or-less. This is a tall-order, particularly if you want to convey a smidgen of a narrative. The Geico caveman-ads are pretty-good: they're vaguely funny, with some jabs at bigotry (and PC, the other white-meat), and they feature some very-good editing, cinematography, makeup, and writing. Like Arrested Development's humor-torrent, they convey their information rapidly--there's no dead-air. But they also have a sense of where the culture is at, and what imagery will be most-effective. Dontcha wish they put this-much work into movies? ;0)

Speaking of work: Jessica Simpson can work that shiz! Jesus, man, she makes Jayne Mansfield look thin, she's so voluptuous. Her boobs could feed a nation. This can only be good, the whole thin-look is gross and ugly, so eat-something, ladies. Most men desire wimmen-folks who have a full-body, who look natural. We love your curves, we love chubby-girls, it's true. Most of us don't like ectomorphs, they look weird and anorexic, sometimes because they are. That's a rich-man's conceit: the scrawny, stringy-haired cave bitch. OK, so Jessica Simpson fucked-up during a concert. It's still not as bad as sissy's SNL-gaffe that reminded everyone of Milli Vannilli.

Girl, you know it's true: we want the strip-tease, we want the gams, the boobs, and that sweet-ass. We want to see her pop-out of that dress. That's why we watch. It's like the Indy 500, we want to see an 'accident'. I'll never buy her albums, but she's a dish. Hot doesn't even describe her, she is a joyous-celebration of the human-form. Let's celebrate the human-body! She didn't need to cry, these things happen. We should try to cheer-her-up, the pressure she has to endure as a young-woman in 'showbiz' is a bit much. This is an issue for debate, and a dialog is overdue. Is it ethical to even have child-stars, or saddle a young-woman with fame? Right, someone will be offended. Who cares? Women are beautiful. Tits are beautiful. Women's bodies--excepting the vagina--are beautiful. Yup, there is a group of lesbians who contend-otherwise, because they're conformists of another-stripe. They even have pornography that focus exclusively on the vagina. Yes, dykes can be stupid too, we know this. Sorry ladies, it's not beautiful, wrong-again. You just want some attention. Yup, only at J.J.J.J.J.J. can you go from Orson Welles to tits (not Orson's), to the vagina in one-piece. All-said, you'll never hear me complain about women enjoying pleasure, or going to see male-strippers.

But, as we all know, it's wrong and evil for North American men to express-themselves sexually. Lesbians--no-problem, they can objectify a woman's body without getting any shit from the more-liberal-than-thou crowd (really, just more Puritanical-assholes). Of course, who wants PDA's? Not me, get a room. That's where I draw-the-line. But, if you're a gay man, a dyke, or a tranny-- I don't care. I'm indifferent. Identity-politics is for kids who just got out of the closet, or had their first-orgasm. We don't care, and this should please you, because this is called tolerance. Andrea Dworkin was fat, ugly, and unimportant. Why do I mention her? Because the impulse to hate Simpson is the same as Dworkin's for stating that 'all sex is rape'. She was ugly, she didn't want anyone-else to get-laid if she wasn't. Maybe she's in her happy hunting-ground-- Massachusetts Bay colony, she must feel at-home there. What a toad she was. At least Valerie Solanas had a sense-of-humor, and she liked sex. She was cool.