Wednesday, May 09, 2007


TORONTO, EH?--Man, this is totally hosed, eh? These hosers at Barner Wros. just make lousy movies. You noo? Hollywood makes the cinematic equivalent of the disposable-lighter, and the majority of movies made during the last 15-16 years hold their catalog value about as long as a lighter without any fluid. In just a couple years, you can buy legitimate DVDs of their biggest movies for around $5.00 USD used.

Maybe this is why so many classic, cutting-edge films from the late-1960s, early-1970s remain unreleased onto DVD: the studios don't want anyone to know how much the movies have degenerated since then. You know, back when the MPAA was created to contain the creative freedom of that era? The major studios couldn't put as many tits, violence, and adult-themes in their fare as the indies, so the ratings-system was created to sink the competition. It worked. Be careful what you wish for, you might get it. The viewing public is overdue for another such renaissance, and we'll get one if we have to let the current Hollywood order crumble under their own weight.

Maybe they need a hint: your movies aren't worth paying-for, they suck, like junk-food. They're satisfying if you're unaccustomed to thinking, but then thinking sets-in eventually, belatedly, and it's no good anymore. A bad movie makes the viewer feel sad and lonely. Now, the technology is prevalent to pirate this pap. The other place they forgot to mention where piracy is rife is in China, but there's only so much the movie industry can do about that one.

Then, there's all the overseas military theaters, and South Korea, and-on-and-on. A pal in the Middle East told me you could get Fahrenheit 9/11 on bootleg DVD before it hit in the US! I should add that most American soldiers in Iraq have seen the film before all of us here did. He got it at those little "Hadji-stands" that dot Iraq and much of the region.

A Suggestion to Hollywood: quit making-movies, and only distribute independently-produced ones. Stay out of the creative-process altogether, and stop underestimating your audiences. Also, stop with the stupid test-screenings (almost always without a permanent score, basically unfinished sound and dialog, etc.) that cause directors and producers nightmares and don't tell you anything about how the film will really be received by the public.

If you allow maverick filmmakers to do their thing, you'll have films that have a genuine catalog value, and pirating means a lot less after that. People will want to buy them! You can do more "special editions," put deleted scenes on the discs, a director commentary--things you cannot obtain in a theater. Give the people who create the ability to do so properly without all the meddling by a bunch of mindless suits. If not, the public will continue to stay at home, and the pirating will continue unabated.

Make movies with some meaning to ordinary people that have stories. Make movies for adults again. Stop sucking, then you can show previews in Canada again. And don't think we didn't notice it was to pre-emptively bar any bad reviews from Canada, eh. Jack Valenti (Satan) is dead, it's safe to come out. It's kinda like when Franco croaked in Spain, or when Stalin bit it in 1953. We should be pushing for the thaw. The MPAA? Again, it was created to destroy independent film and distribution, period. It was never about "protecting the public." All that said, I still love the movies of Steven Soderbergh!