Monday, October 02, 2006

Temerity: My Experience as a Victim of Pedophilia

For many us of right-now, the Foley revelations are a blessing, but it is also one that is mixed. While I am elated that the GOP is disintegrating over this scandal, it just brings-back what happened to me in my daily-life. I don't want to remember anymore, and so pedophilia is that 'gift that keeps-on-giving', most survivors know this. 'Survivors'? Yes, survivors. A good-percentage of the victims of molestation kill-themselves out-of-shame, and the agony of the experience on their fragile young-psyches. I was 11 when it began, and it has tainted my relations with people. I don't trust most people, but then, they've usually followed my expectations as users. After you've been a victim of molestation, it's hard to trust anyone, ever-again. So-be-it.

The perp was a step-relative (step-grandfather on my father's-side) named Frank Spychalski, he lived in Michigan City, and blessedly died a few-years-ago. I was lucky: there was only some touching. Others aren't so-lucky, and even experience the horror of repeated-rapings that include penetration. What is most-galling is the association of pedophiles with homosexuality--this is wrong, and bigoted and hateful. Gay men are not pedophiles, as most molestors are heterosexuals.

How do I know most pedophiles are heterosexuals? Look at the statistics, dummies, ask a psychaitrist. The bigoted look at the acts, but fail to realize the whole thing is predicated on domination and power, like most of human-culture is. My attacker would constantly tell me about all of his sexual-conquests with WOMEN, but I do know he had other victims who were children. My family often wondered why his family wouldn't talk to him anymore, but we soon found-out why. It's my opinion that individuals who molest children come from an authoritarian-background (as most in the GOP are, but aren't alone), and have been molested and abused themselves. Also, molestors and abusers feel a lack-of-control of any-kind in their lives, or the impression of no-control. Maybe it's because my abuse was so short-lived, and lacked the intensity of others that I didn't become one of them, I have no-answers.

Pedophiles are whack-jobs who will never change. This fit the profile of my attacker, and it fits many of the profiles I read as a social-worker with children who had been through much-worse. Over-and-over again, it was the same kind of person doing these horrible-actions against their own children, nieces, nephews, adoptees, and foster-children. Keep-in-mind that people like this can never change, and that once they are labelled, should be monitored for the rest-of-their-lives. Pedophiles who go through counseling and treatment simply learn to lie-effectively. Castrating-them and rapists doesn't work, because IT IS A CRIME OF DOMINATION AND POWER. It would be more-effective to put tracking-devices on them for life.

In a society where people are routinely-neglected and thrown-away, and where workplace-rights have eroded for 30-years, it isn't surprising. Where social-inequality rules, so-too does pedophilia and physical-abuse. As the gulf between rich-and-poor widens, so will the child-abuse and pedophile-acts. Women are now getting-into-the-act too, nowadays, as we are seeing more-and-more female teachers having sexual-relations with their students. It should be the law of the land that when it is found someone is molesting-children, they, and their families are thoroughly-investigated. At that point, all of them have lost their right-to-privacy--it has become a public-matter. It should also apply to bullying in our schools, lest we see a wave of more 'Columbines'. Abu-Ghraib is the symptom of a deeply-rooted disease, it is vast and underreported. When it all ended for me, I had no-idea who to turn-to. The shame was overwhelming, and I doubt there are many places to turn-to now.

Victims: YOU have nothing to be ashamed-of, society does. Hate your attackers, fight-them, hurt-them, and expose them to others. It happened in America, not on Mars. Tell your family-doctor, they can start the process of dealing-with the person who is doing this to you. You can make-them-pay, you can hurt-them, and make the pain stop. The only-way it will stop is if you expose them. There are many people who care out here. I care, and I'm here to help if I can. Remember: you didn't start this problem, your attacker did.

It's the responsibility of all us to expose and deal-with this problem. If we don't, we send-the-message that we either don't care, or that we approve-of this act. Clearly, the Catholic-hierarchy in America doesn't care at all, or the GOP. Foley attended a Catholic school as a kid--my attacker was a 'devout-Catholic' (right), as was his family. When a society refuses to deal-with pedophilia, you know we're nearly down-the-drain as a nation. Yes, it's painful, but it's a crime that has to be exposed whenever it happens. Sunlight, as they say, is the best disinfectant.