Saturday, October 07, 2006

Sienna Miller Exegesis

Pittsburgh--Hey, lady, shut-up. That's a good town, it not like London doesn't have slums. George Romero lived there. Jude Law has already made a big enough fool of you, why add to it? Because, you're 23--a dumbass. We were all dumbasses when we were young, and with some luck, you'll grow up. Are English women as crazy as American women? I know Canadian women are much friendlier than their American sisters. How? Getting some leg in Toronto isn't tough, trust me. Maybe because the Puritans didn't flee to Canada? Maybe because they never burned witches? This patriarchy has me all confused too.

The real issue is 'hot' women. They want men who display unflappable certainty, never sweating or blinking (like Steve Forbes, space alien extraordinaire). They want another daddy, they want patriarchy's perks with a dash of Feminism's. The problem is wanting things both ways, which is pretty typical of the American female. It's also called 'being nuts'. Women want attractive men too, and this is fair, since men want women who they find sexually attractive. But what is truly bizarre is when an attractive woman stupidly tries to convince her friends she wants someone with 'depth' (projection, she wants to prove she has 'depth'). Depth? Well yes, just not emotionally...

Why lie Sienna? We only care because you're a creature to be looked-at, groped and tagged. There's nothing wrong with that, but accept that you and women like you're basically stupid, but look sexually attractive. This attractiveness warps your self-image making your ego and personality distort, like Napoleon with...well, he actually did have tits. Yes, he was fondling them. It's a double-edged sword trading on looks. Besides, if we cared what your ilk thought, you would know it, because you would be smart and witty. Usually, we're so sex-starved from bad relationships, and it forces us to stare at your tits. We're even afraid to date your kind, the last time...no, it's too painful to recall. But this cult of 'good looks' is tiresome, and yours truly likes girls who are chubby anyway. Natural women with some meat on them, normal women who are comfortable with their bodies just as they were born. Just eat something, please. You look awkward, too skinny, you look skeletal. Models are zombies.
They say women who have a morbidly skinny build ('ectomorphs') are more likely to have schizophrenic children. So don't breed if you were born the way you look now. If not, just eat ferchrissakes. Peasant women are chubby, that's how all of our ancestors lived for thousands-of-years in Europe. Roman slaves looked like you do, and they were worked to death. You're abnormal. Eat. How many Feminists really accept Darwinism? You know, emotionally? I don't mean 'social Darwinism', either. Eat something. Men and women have the gear that they do for one-reason, so how about getting over it? If promiscuity was wisely promoted, we'd stop looking at your breasts. Then, of course, you'd start missing it (sorry, you would). I pity any woman who's attractive who has a mind and full heart, but I've never met one. I've only met attractive women.