HAPPY THANKSGIVING, SENATOR VITTER ('Viddy well brother, viddy well!')

Washington D.C./Metarie, Louisiana--Yes David, you have a lot to be thankful for tonight, and not the wife's constant nagging that she's earned thanks to your serial misbehavior. But don't thank God, thank Judge Kessler and whomever whispered into her ear. Wouldn't we all like to know who it was and what they said? Don't thank your false patriarchal desert god, however, thank a more temporally-based force: human pressure and intimidation behind-the-scenes. And President Bush should be thankful that Leola McConnell is currently missing or in-hiding--she was about to do some talking and had an impending tell-all book coming-out that revealed he's not the man we thought he was, but shares a lot with bi-curious young men in their twenties.

Be thankful that the rest of us are so apathetic, so numb to all your criminality, and so overworked by employers just to get by, and thank television for aiding in the destruction of the imagination required to adequately comprehend and deal with your corruption. Be very thankful, for that time is ending soon with the demise of comfort and rampant consumerism for most Americans. They're all going to be very angry at all incumbents in Washington very soon, and for so very many reasons. It would be best to leave office now, and be thankful that one got out before the tidal wave that crushed everyone else who was too stupid to resign came. It's coming. Without the carrot, what do you have but a stick? That's when the biggest groundswell America has ever witnessed will wash you all away.

So be thankful, turkeys, and give him hell Wendy. Better yet: tell us everything you know about him and his own sordid past. You were a prosecutor once, so you know what to do. Call-up those private investigators and all those lawyers you've known over-the-years that he doesn't know about. Collect evidence...good, you've already done that since before you both got married, solid. Then, strike when the time's right, since your children deserve a stable father figure, and the dumbo Rhodes scholar (no, not Bill Clinton) isn't the on. Be thankful David Vitter, it could be much worse. Maybe it still will be. One can only hope so for the sake of all of our cherished liberties. What did you do for thanksgiving? It appears Judge Kessler was cowering in a corner, unable to summon her appetite, so be thankful. Most of us would be talking to the police right now if we'd done what you've done (soliciting prostitution, and worse, while holding public office). Republicans are criminals, but then, so are most of the Democrats also holding office.