Alex Jones makes coffee (A satire?)

It was one of those Pleasant Valley Sundays: He awoke to the sound of his motion detection sensors--all of them were going off. What could it be? More precisely: who could it be, and why were they coming for him, especially on Sunday?

He knew why, he had no illusions--only certainty--and the wimmen folks eat that shit up, jack, even when one is clearly wrong. He was used to being wrong, sure, but he never told anyone and never displayed it openly. This was part of his key to success. Since he was surrounded by paranoiacs, he wore his fear on his sleeve...like a swastika. OK, in fact it was a swastika. Like everyone, he had his own secrets, buried deep in a closet. What were they?

The fact that he had a small penis--hey, nothing doing pal! That off-camera Bohemian Grove incident still stung him like the clap, it was all some Fifth columnist plot that he'd hatched on himself, so he scratched himself and shivered, nearly gagging. This was a momentous moment every morning, like mounting D-Day. Yes, it was time to get out of bed. It could become problematic: there were unnamed legions of conspiracies working against him at every moment, even while he slept...especially when he slept. He used to cover all of his windows with blinds but he started suffering from Vitamin D deprivation so they had to go.

He itched all over. It must have been something that was purposefully slipped into his eczema cream by a faceless cabal of geriatrics, this was certain, he knew it, he knew it, he goddamned well knew it. What was he thinking about earlier? This modern life was too much for him, which is why he needed someone--anyone--to blame for his inadequacies, especially nameless, faceless ones who could never be identified, who could never talk or fight back. Jews weren't going to cut it anymore, and besides, they tend to give as good as they get. No, one can never have enough fictional enemies, it's true, he decided, patting himself on the back so hard he sprained his fat, flaccid American wrist.

Oh yeah, he remembered what came next: coffee. Shit. He trembled violently. This would mean walking across the room into the line-of-sight of Black Ops snipers. The blinds were gone now. One time he tried leasing a room in the highest building in Texas but saw a Black helicopter hovering outside of a window as the suspicious realtor showed him the apartment. She was clearly a operative working for Mossad, but he needed a new place so she'd have to do.

Instead, she found him a unit that was less elevated in (and than) Austin. He could see the tower that Charles Whitman shot dozens from where he was at, finally shrugging off the erection he get at the thought of that 1966 incident. He had no questions in his mind--Whitman was a victim of MKULTRA mind control experiments, and so was he. There was nowhere to run--he knew this--and accepted that when it was his time...you know. He'd tuck his head between his legs and run like a pussy, c'mon people.

Over an hour had now elapsed since his first thought of coffee, and now he had to urinate badly. This presented other problems and conundrums. There were other windows open to the line-of-sight of other NWO snipers. How would he get to the bathroom? He had a plan...

He covered himself in an Army blanket but then worried that it might be tainted with smallpox, so he dropped it and started crawling on the floor below the windows. He was clever and wouldn't allow these forces arrayed against him to alter his life one bit, and they hadn't, no way, not even close. He'd always been like this, a paranoid. As a child, he was certain that the Boogeyman was coming to get him and had been through this drill before, he was a proactive kind of a guy. Coffee. Boogeyman. Crap. That was it: he'd have to call one of his assistants to come over, so he made a call, collect. There was no answer, dammit. Oh boy, oh Jesus Christ.

The time had come to be a man: he would walk upright into the kitchen and make a cup of coffee. This would mean putting his life on the line for millions who didn't even know his name, but he would make the sacrifice. He put one foot in front of the other, moving forward with great reluctance and spine-tingling fear. The kitchen grew nearer and his fear reached a fever pitch. He was quaking, but he had it under control and grabbed one of the NWO mugs he sold in the thousands on his website, grabbed the Guatemalan coffee from the freezer and was about to pour it into the filter when he realized he'd forgotten something crucial: the toxicology kit.

Great, now he'd have to run to the cupboard across the kitchen. He did, then got the coffee started. After twenty minutes it was ready. He felt something warm...he'd wet himself. Not again. Oh well, there would have to be another cover-up with the fans, but that was no-problemo, they'd swallow anything, even what was now running down his leg. By this point he couldn't control his laughing and abruptly stopped as he raised the cup of coffee to his mouth--he'd almost forgotten the toxicology test, how careless. It would take a few days for the results to come in, but he could stand the wait. It would be worth that good cup-o'-Joe...

TOP BUSH AND ROVE AIDE, DAN BARTLETT JUMPS SHIP

The White House, March 13th, 2007...

Q Dan, can you talk a little bit about, by the White House's own account, Senator Domenici at some point went to the President and urged him to fire the U.S. attorney in New Mexico, specifically? What did the President do with that information, after Senator Domenici asked him? And what did the President say to Attorney General Gonzales, when they did speak about this?

MR. BARTLETT:It's important to back up a bit. The issue of U.S. attorneys, as many of you know, these U.S. attorneys serve at the discretion of the President. Many of these U.S. attorneys have served four-year terms. There was a management review process and there was a determination made to remove seven U.S. attorneys for cause. And the members of the Justice Department have been sharing that information, the particulars on each of those cases, as to why those U.S. attorneys were removed, which is completely within the managerial discretion of the Attorney General and something that the President supported.

Particularly, as you can imagine, at the White House, when it comes to complaints, we receive a lot of complaints, whether it be from members of Congress, state leaders, local leaders. Oftentimes that is the job description of a White House employee, is to field complaints. That is not limited to U.S. attorneys. And over the course of several years we have received complaints about U.S. attorneys, particularly when it comes to election fraud cases -- not just New Mexico, but also Wisconsin and Pennsylvania...."

Washington D.C.--Long-term presidential adviser Dan Bartlett has announced he will no longer give counsel to the president after July 4th. His reasons are the same as those of convicted former-congressman Bob Ney (ex-R-Oh.): "I have to take-care of my family now." He didn't sound scared, not at all, and neither does Bartlett when he says it.

This is coming the day after congressman John Conyers (D-Mich.) asked the BBC for former U.S. Attorney (like the pattern here?) Tim Griffin's e-mails on "caging" techniques that caused thousands of Black Americans to be stricken from voting rolls, generally having their votes challenged and disqualified. What we could have here is a nationwide attempt that successfully stole the 2004 elections through disenfranchisement. There were serious questions in 2000 as well, though any serious investigations have yet to occur on that front. Greg Palast writes in a mass e-mail I received today that:

Tim Griffin, formerly right hand man to Karl Rove, resigned Thursday as US Attorney for Arkansas hours after BBC Television ‘Newsnight’ reported that Congressman John Conyers requested the network’s evidence on Griffin’s involvement in ‘caging voters.’ Greg Palast, reporting for BBC Newsnight, obtained a series of confidential emails from the 2004 Bush-Cheney campaign. In these emails, Griffin, then the GOP Deputy Communications Director, transmitted so-called ‘caging lists’ of voters to state party leaders. ... [John]Conyers, Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee investigating the firing of US Attorneys, met Thursday evening in New York with Palast. After reviewing key documents, Conyers stated that, despite Griffin’s resignation, “We’re not through with him by any means.” ('US Attorney Resigns Following Conyers’ Request for BBC Documents,' Greg Palast, 06.01.2007)

Yes, it's dueling e-mails on the internet these days, and Tim Griffin sent some of his own out containing general information on voter caging to a satirical website that had a similar Internet address as the Bush campaign's. The results are already explosive with two prominent Bush appointments dropping two days in-a-row, it being a new record for the administration and the GOP. The rest of the media in the United States don't want you to know this, and they're doing their best to white-out the caging scandal with Lindsay Lohan's drinking-binge, but it's not working.

Surely Bartlett is leaving because Karl Rove ordered these caging techniques--he was once employed by Rove's consulting firm, and joined the Bush inner-circle in 1993. He sees the writing on the wall. This man is only 36, but looks 47. I look younger than he does. Luckily, he has a family that prosecutors will be able to dangle over his head (like the fact that he won't see them for 20-30 years if he doesn't start talking). But it's going to be Tim Griffin who talks first, as House Judiciary Chairman Conyers will surely be issuing him a subpoena within the next two weeks.

Serving as counselor to the president, Bartlett also worked in Bush's first campaign as governor of Texas and two subsequent presidential races. Before joining Bush, Bartlett worked for presidential adviser Karl Rove's company back in Texas, an Austin-based political consulting firm. Bartlett graduated from the University of Texas with a bachelor's degree in political science. (FOX/AP, 06.01.2007)

You know, besides Charles Whitman, that's the worst strike against Austin yet, how sad. Bartlett and Rove are pretty close to the president--they're the keys to the kingdom of all the crimes committed under the authorization of George W. Bush. Bartlett's former boss Karl Rove will be following him shortly on the subpoena list, but you never know: he might precede him.

They'll all plead the Fifth amendment on numerous points in their testimony and all will claim ignorance as Attorney General Gonzales has. We'll be seeing a lot of people claiming memory-loss regarding specific incidents, conversations, and evidence contradicting previous statements. How do I know this? Because I'm psychic, of course.

Republican incumbents will have no basis to complain since the evidence is already ample to investigate, but they will anyway as we all know. Part of the reason is that this is familiar territory: Watergate, Iran-Contra, the war in Iraq, warrantless surveillance, the continued suspension of habeus corpus, and more. The RNC--and the GOP generally--act very much like Bolsheviks, and it's time they were collared by the rule of law.

Again, let's get back to Dan Bartlett and his family, who he seems to suddenly want to be with more:

Bartlett said he was leaving for no other reason than to get a job in the private sector and concentrate more on his family. He has retained Washington lawyer Robert Barnett to help him in his search. "I've had competing families. And unfortunately, the Bush family has prevailed too many times, and it's high time for the Bartlett family to finally prevail," Bartlett said. (Reuters, 06.01.2007)

Well, that's kind of mean. He decided this after 13 years and nine months? Surely, something prompted it. And you know, I always get a lawyer when I'm looking for a new job--especially if I thought I might be making license plates soon. Wouldn't you? Sure you would...

Reuters today: http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSWBT00707320070601?src=060107_1507_DOUBLEFEATURE_

FOX/AP Today: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,276998,00.html

Greg Palast, the last living American journalist spotted this year: www.gregpalast.com

Dan Bartlett, letting-on about more than he suspected on March 13th, 2007: http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2007/03/20070313-4.html