Thursday, September 04, 2008

Songs from the Site Meter: The SAIC Hollywood Trailer


Site Meter--[Cue Hollywood voiceover, a voice of authority--male, natch]

Announcer [black screen]: In a world where war-profiteers break their arms patting themselves on the back just miles from the graves of the victims of previous war-profiteers, there is SAIC. And where there is voter apathy, a dumbed-down consumer society, there stands...uh, a few hundred thousand who actually get it.

And in a country where a Black man can run for president as a Republican and be physically kicked-out of his own party's convention--let alone not implode up his own ass in a scene more camp than all previous others--anything is possible. [Cue announcer exhalation.]

Not content with accumulating a pile of petrochemical junk in-exchange for their souls, these heroes search the internet for corruptions, lies, and the scum who perpetuate it (politicians, the puppets of the Bawssmen). [Cue overemotional John Williams orchestral-sweep, then cut to a car filled with consumer items falling-off of a cliff, then exploding into flames. Cut to an image of sewers brimming with excrement.]

[Cut to black screen] Indefatigable in their well-honed wit, these heroes--just for one day--turn these vile forces back onto themselves, causing them to waste valuable time watching, monitoring, and reading these words you're reading right now. And if you stew cranberries like applesauce, they taste more like prunes than rhubarb does. Trust me.

These heroes days are spent researching and belittling that which begs to be ridiculed, slammed, and exposed for what it is: walking, shambling, pus-inflated deathclowns with a permagrin. [Cut to images of various Republican and Democratic politicians over the last 60-years, many of them laughing. Next, cut to an explosion without any context whatsoever for postmodernist academics and movie critics. Cut back to black screen.]
Their goal: attrition-humor directed at corrupt government contractors, while understanding at the same time that freaks like SAIC could only function on earmarks culled from the taxpayer and expedited through the canoodling (look it up goddammit) of numerous public officials who should have been aborted before birth. [Cue sound of Model-T horn]
Can they save human society from its own pathetic self-inflicted wounds? Who gives-a-shit? Any given Apocalypse has entertainment value galore.

Now: if only we could find a way to sell the rights after we're all dead... [mumbling]

[End]




Domain Name




saic.com ? (Commercial)

IP Address




198.151.13.#
(Science Applications International Corporation (SA)

ISP




Science Applications International Corporation (SA

Location




Continent: North America
Country: United States (Facts)
State: Virginia
City: Arlington
Lat/Long: 38.8782, -77.1054 (Map)

Language




English (U.S.)
en-us

Operating System




Microsoft WinXP

Browser




Internet Explorer 6.0
Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322; .NET CLR 2.0.50727; .NET CLR 3.0.04506.648; .NET CLR 3.5.21022; InfoPath.1)

Javascript




version 1.3

Monitor




Resolution : 1280 x 1024
Color Depth : 32 bits

Time of Visit




Sep 4 2008 8:02:11 pm

Last Page View




Sep 4 2008 8:03:49 pm

Visit Length




1 minute 38 seconds

Page Views




2

Referring URL






Visit Entry Page




http://chickasawpick...-hey-sites-more.html

Time Zone




UTC-5:00

Visitor's Time




Sep 4 2008 8:02:11 am

















Visit Number




40,774