Mel Gibson to join reunited Norwegian Satanic Metal band Burzum

A burning church, Norway--At precisely 7 a.m. GMT, the recently reunited metal band announced to the international press that Mel Gibson would now be fronting the group. So as not to confuse hipsters, they explained that Gibson "wouldn't be disrespecting us--quite the contrary," but "will be out front singing for us, on vocals. Thank you all, and have a nice day, especially Jews."

In the spirit of tolerance and brotherly love, the band produced a sampling of song lyrics (still in their embryonic stage) Gibson wrote and will be singing from his padded cell in Los Angeles, via satellite.

The song is titled, "Flowers, My Dearest Love":

Stay on this phone and don't hang up on me.
I have plenty of energy to drive over there.
You understand me? (repeat four times)
AND I WILL! (repeat four times)
SO JUST F------ LISTEN TO ME.
LISTEN TO MY F------ RANTING.
LISTEN TO WHAT YOU DO TO ME.

You have no f--king soul.
I left my wife because we had no spiritual common ground.
You and I have none, zero.
You won't even f---king try.
You don't care.
You don't care.
You don't care.

I'll put you in a f---ing rose garden you c--t!
You understand that?
Because I'm capable of it.
You understand that?
You understand that?
You understand that?
AND I WILL! (repeat four times)
SO JUST F------ LISTEN TO ME.
LISTEN TO MY F------ RANTING. LISTEN TO WHAT YOU DO TO ME. (all lyrics by Mel Gibson, 2010)

In an unsurprising turn, Mel's volume of fan mail from disturbed women proposing marriage rose, while the market fell. Most of the new material will return to their black metal roots, eschewing (whatever the fuck that is) their more recent attempts at crust punk (whatever the fuck that is).

Good Times: LA, 1988 (short story excerpt)

That was a truly crazy summer: my brother's friend Joe had moved to Los Angeles to do--what else?--conquer the world of music with his electric guitar. He almost did, and even played on some of Eazy-E's earliest demos. There were other gigs. After only being in L.A. for a year, Joe had gained something new...a roaring methamphetamine habit. Going from a girth of 200 lbs., he had dropped to a startling 140.

He would literally play guitar for days-on-end, and in a very short time he was a virtuoso. Joe could play Hendrix as though Jimi was actually in the room (down to the chime-like tone), and he and my brother had been the only two long-hairs at our High School during the 80s. For those who don't know, it wasn't exactly a good move, people not only wanted to forget the sixties at that time, but heaped scorn on anyone with hair past their shoulders as being a "faggot."My brother's nickname was 'Ozzy,' for obvious reasons.

But it didn't take looking odd to gain that special attention. One day I was walking to another class at Alexander Hamilton High and was stopped cold by one of the kids who was beaten (but not enough) regularly by his parents. It was 1983:

"Hey, Janowitz! Do you like rap?!" Of course, it was my duty as a Caucasian to say "no," so I said "yes." My response was rewarded with a punch and a feeble attempt at a trip-up. That was normal, and the same people would then be seen yucking-it-up to Sugar Hill Gang at the local skating rink, not having any understanding of the irony--or even of irony itself.

Where was I? Oh yeah, it was 1988, and my brother was chasing a "friend" to L.A. . Solid. The trip wasn't exactly what my brother had-in-mind. Joe had degenerated into a slobbering drug-addict, but there was some fun to be had running around the city. Most of it involved selling clothes for drugs, but we won't dwell on that. When my brother came back (did he ever, really?), we almost had to call in a cult deprogrammer and were unsure this was the same guy. Well, he must have been fairly sober while he was there: they went to the Whisky Au-Go-Go to see Guns-N'-Roses. It's not what you think, not at all.

They'd been out that hot summer night on Sunset strip, bar-hopping and being chased by the L.A.P.D. for having long-hair when they hit the Whisky. A really awful sound of poorly-played rock-n'-roll was wafting out of the place, they were drunk, so a collision with somebody was inevitable. After many drinks, my brother had finally had it with the band. So had Joe, and he egged my brother on to "do it." What was "it"? He grabbed his empty bottle of Heineken and threw it blindly at the guitarist in the Ritchie Blackmore warlock hat, yelling, "You fucking suck, stop playing you fucking assholes!"

"Bggg-gank!!" was the sound of the bottle crashing against the fretboard of Slash's weathered Les Paul Custom. That was it, it was time to run, and they did. Little did my brother know at the time that Axl Rose was from West Lafayette, Indiana. For those who don't know, it's a very dirty and depressing place. Maybe it was mean to do what they did, but sometimes things go that way. Besides, they were right. Guns-N'-Roses sucked, they always sucked, and will always suck. It's non-negotiable.

OH, DEMON ALCOHOL: BOB NEY GETS 30 MONTHS IN THE PEN

"I will continue to take full responsibility, accept the consequences and battle the demons of addiction that are within me."
--Bob Ney at today's sentencing. (AP, 01.19.2007)


Washington D.C.--Corrupt former Ohio congressman Bob Ney was sentenced to 30 months in a Federal pen at Morgantown, West Virginia by U.S. District Judge Ellen SegalHuvelle. The sentence was harsher than the prosecution or the defense had wagered. Judge Huvelle noted:

The sentence was harsher than recommended by prosecutors or Ney's lawyers, Huvelle said, because Ney had violated the trust place on him as a public official. "Both your constituents and the public trusted you to represent them honestly," she said. Ney apologized to his family and constituents during a brief speech to the judge. (AP, 01.19.2007)

This is pretty hard to disagree with, but Ney's still taking the "devil made me do it" defense--it wasn't the gall, it was demon alcohol. It wasn't his greed, or that he was a lowly-criminal behind his expensive suits and seersuckers--it was demon alcohol. It wasn't the fact that Mark Foley was a calculated pedophile who tried to get-away-with-it for years-and-years--it was demon alcohol.

This has happened before with the GOP, many-many times. We know "the decider" has had an alcohol problem, and probably still does. YET, White House Press Sec. Tony Snow remarked that Ney "isn't a reflection of the Republican party." Well, yeah, except he is, and so is the President, Vice President--hell, even Rumsfeld had a battle with the booze. Space literally doesn't permit this author from listing all the examples, but the President will suffice. We might be finding-out more details of his early-1970s DUI arrest soon.

Why do they drink so much? Nerves? Not getting any leg? Fear of exposure on other crimes and corruption? Ney's doctor said that his drinking worsened in 2001.

OK, the events of September 11th, 2001 could have contributed to this, but wasn't it really the GOP's moment of glory? They will never have those approval-ratings in twenty-years. Ney has past business-ties to Saudi Arabia (a security company). Did he have an insight into 9/11 that others didn't? He was Tom Delay's assistant. Surely, he had a bird's eye view of a lot. Considering the ongoing criminality under the GOP majority, he might have had good-reason to drink, and heavily. His nerves couldn't take it, he just wasn't the sociopath that many of his peers were (and are).

Why? Why, when the GOP had the White House and one House of Congress? The next-year, they had both Houses, and even the Supreme Court. What drove Bob Ney to drink more during this period? Was it knowledge of extraordinary crimes committed by the White House? It had to have been a knowledge of a multitude of things that the public still doesn't know. He was coping-with an external-pressure.

So what was it? It must be major. Do a google search, and you will find another oddity: many of the article headlines fail to mention Ney's party affiliation, while some articles don't mention it at all. This has occurred before, during the elections regarding Lieberman, and the scandal surrounding Mark Foley. The reasons for this kind of behavior should be clear. It was the booze, but they'll carry him back to Old Virginny regardless.

Verdict Please:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070119/ap_on_go_co/ney_corruption

Bloomberg:
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601103&sid=afqAImMOqAP0&refer=us

How it All Began:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1121052scanlon1.html

WHY HASN'T OHIO REP. BOB NEY RESIGNED YET?

Washington D.C.--That's a rhetorical question.

The answer is obvious: the GOP will do anything, and I mean anything to keep their majority. Why? To continue shielding the Bush administration. The Democrats don't really want a genuine house-cleaning either because most of them are dirty too.

They are all basically complicit with the Bush administration, and bipartisan goof on their part. Cold busted. The Bush years will be remembered in history for being the time when the public finally had the scales fall from its collective-eyes, and discovered that their political system needed an overhaul.

Ney isn't resigning because Bush and Cheney need him for that margin majority. They have to have to avoid prison, and the fear is becoming palpable throughout the political culture. Even the pundits and ideologues like Bill O'Reilly seem more restrained lately. That's because they had better shut-up. Washington DC's culture has always been one of blackmail, and this whole affair with Foley is a cream dream for politics junkies. Why it didn't occur during Clinton is beyond me, but who cares? It's happening now.

BOB NEY CONFESSES FOR THIRD TIME: "OK, THIS TIME YOU'VE REALLY GOT ME."

Washington D.C.--Bob Ney says that he's resigning. This is news? Ten year olds knew this. He plead guilty? The evidence was well-known, though everyone should have due process, right? Not to the GOP, unless it involves themselves. At least they're consistent on this point. Like Mark Foley, Ney's considering getting treatment for alcoholism.

Let's see...we have George W. Bush, Winston Churchill, Dick Cheney, Boris Yeltsin, Ted Bundy, Tip O'Neill, J. Edgar Hoover, Leonid Brehznev, George H.W. Bush, Spiro Agnew, Nikita Khruschev, Mark Foley, Herman Goering, Bob Ney, Richard Nixon...I could go on-and-on. When you know that you are a pig who is forcing American families into-the-streets, you would drink too. A whole lot.

We know where this leads: pedophilia, because Mark Foley said so. Are those gin-blossoms on Dennis Hastert's nose? What's most-irksome is, yesterday, Ney claimed he wasn't going to resign! Apparently, he sobered-up and reality sank in...then he had another drink.

Is Convicted GOP Governor Bob Taft an Alcoholic? http://governor.ohio.gov/releases/060306Prevention.htm

Detox this:http://tailrank.com/616032/Rehab-The-last-refuge-of-scoundrels

The Political culture of 'the Hooch':
http://www.health24.com/mind/Sexual_dysfunction/1284-1300,34254.asp

Newt Gingrinch, the best Literary reviewer since Poe (not really).There is
no-way he read some of these, but he's had the time. Here's to him having more:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A27WFYW9ZJ5DN1/ref=cm_aya_pdp_profile/102-6113671-6488152

Bob Ney: "Hey man, I got a FAMILY!!"

Washington D.C.--And so did concentration camp guards, Bobbie. Maybe you never read the minutes from the Nuremburg trials--"I was just following orders", isn't a defense. GOP Rep. Bob Ney (Ohio) is now the third GOP scumbag to go down (pun-intended) because he took-bribes from Jack Abramoff.

The Washington Post's Johnathan Weisman is reporting today that Ney was "urge[d]" by House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-Oh.) not to seek reelection.

Well, Bobbie being the kind of moron to take orders regardless of the consequences did just that since being a congressional representative means mindless obedience to people who are going to fuck you.

It didn't take much persuasion, they just did what all employers do to Americans: they held his family and their future over-his-head, ..."reminding him that with a son in college and a daughter nearing college age, he will need money," according to several congressional Republican aides.

If he lost his House seat for the party, Boehner is said to have cautioned, Ney could not expect a lucrative career on K Street to pay those tuition bills, along with the hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees piling up." How nice it was for him to sweeten-the-pot, except it was with corn syrup. Like a "good" American, Bobbie bent-over and took it. Hell, we all do.

In his statement issued to the press, he said, “Ultimately this decision came down to my family. I must think of them first, and I can no longer put them through this ordeal." I honestly think this poor dumb schmuck with the horrible hairpiece really did think of his family. Too much, because he put himself and his family above the common good, and the obvious interests of his constituents and this nation. This is hardly unique, most Americans think this way, and it's erroneous and amoral.

Do I think Ney's guilty? Absolutely, he's even had staff-members being subpoenaed about whether-or-not he took free meals (man, these guys come-cheap!) and a Golf trip to Scotland (sound familiar?) from lobbyists.

Wine me, dine me...you know the rest.

This blog wishes the GOP luck in finding someone in Ohio who isn't tainted to take Ney's place, they'll need it. All of this is about distancing liabilities like Bob Ney from the GOP, but when they're all corrupt, where do they turn? On each other--naturally--which is good. Calling another Willy Lohmann, death of a congressman. A-men.