Monday, August 17, 2009

Sgt. Rock demoted in Waco, Texas


Waco, Texas--Ted Nugent...where to begin, where to begin? Mmm-hmm. The Waco Tribune fired Nugent this last week for being Ted Nugent, an unsurprising outcome to everyone except Ted Nugent, for whom life is a constant surprise! Wheeeeeee!!! Yes, the rifts in the right are still very much alive it seems, at least outside of Congress, the domains of the D.C. lobbying cesspools, and the corporate boardrooms where they're finding it difficult to wipe these days.

The Waco Tribune was taken over by a new owner and they wanted Nugent to "tone it down" in his "Teditorial" columns covering home cooking and finery, a reasonable request considering what flows from
his mouth and pen, never mind the rest. Ted got angry and threw a fit, but never had the anatomical manhood (pride) to talk face-to-face with his new editor. Once again, Ted's painting himself as some kind of comic book hero, another casualty of believing one's own press from over thirty years ago. How do I put this? Where to begin?

OK, first: Nugent got as many draft deferrments as he could during the Vietnam War, not unlike Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Dan Quayle, or even Karl Rove. This makes this "reply"to the Waco Tribune's new editor, Carlos Sanchez, all the more galling:
...When the Nazis had the Americans surrounded in the town of Bastogne, they demanded American General McAuliffe surrender or they would level the city. General McAuliffe’s reply: Nuts!

The new editor of the Waco Trib recently told me that I could only write nice things about people, that I could not be critical. Basically, that I need to tone it down. I can not, nor will not, comply with this Romper Room request. My reply: Nuts!... ("The Nuge vs. The Waco Trib," Evan Smith/Ted Nugent, 08.16.2009)

He seems to have fixation on "nuts," probably implying that he has none. I had a great-uncle who was at Bastogne, by the way. He was in the 101st Airborne and literally had to fight his way out of Remagen in hand-to-hand combat with members of the Waffen-SS and Wermacht--all crack troops--with a knife. He was briefed by the OSS before going into Western Europe over a distant Slovak relative in their branch of the Waffen-SS, but that's another story for another time. But that was a real war fought by real men for the most part. Ted, being your typical Midwestern redneck doesn't know his history from his ass, and him invoking those kinds of stories had better know them well and have a damned good reason to do so. He does not. But we learned one very important message from all of this: one of Ted's favorite shows is Romper Room. And speaking of kids...

Second: he has oodles of illegitimate kids all over North America, and yes, he's that kind of deadbeat you're assuming he is right now. Reference that with his moronic and Libertarian-style economics and social policy opinions, and his hypocrisy takes on an almost aristocratic air, the bad kind.

Third: he stole at least half of his style from the hard left MC5, originators of the real "Detroit sound." Even "the Nuge" himself has admitted witnessing them back in the day and being scared shitless by them. The one thing he really copped from them was the sheer volume, dynamics, and intensity of Wayne Kramer's and Fred Smith's sound, and he wasn't alone; even Funkadelic did. Fine, whatever, but don't lie and tell me "I blew Hendrix off the stage in 1970, he was washed-up by then from the drugs, man," because we all know that story is bullshit you loud-mouthed asswipe. Frankly, I think he meant "I blew Jimi."

Fourth: Ted--are you perhaps the finest example of the North American male tendency for overcompensation, trying to prove to us all that "you're a man," when clearly you are not? Your invoking of the Nazis was nowhere to be seen under the last president, and yes, Obama is barely any different, except that he's black. That's your real problem, you thicko, you moron.

Fifth: We all know that all of this high talk of insurrection and secession isn't going to go anywhere and that nothing will come of it. Being a natural coward, you won't be on any battlefields. You'll be hightailing it like the yellow-bellied adolescent you are today.

Keep being Ted, and stay out of Edwardsburg! They say hobbyists are already reenacting the Vietnam War. Someone should tell the president, and you, Ted, that none of that was necessary with
Afghanistan and Iraq, two more unwinnable wars to declare victory over in the our endless game of military adventurism and mindless stupidity.

"The Nuge vs. The Waco Trib," Evan Smith/Ted Nugent, 08.16.2009: http://www.texasmonthly.com/blogs/stateofmine/?p=1647

Make some Romper Room for my main man: http://www.tvparty.com/lostromper.html