Sunday, August 16, 2009

Dude: Don't go to Chicago tomorrow, dude.


Chicago, Illinois--You know, once the home to my father until his family wouldn't pay protection money to "the Outfit" (Capone's former gang continued on without him...), Chicago is a place of ambivalence to me, and it always will be.

I love the town, don't get me wrong. It's an exciting place and I've had my share of great times there, but wow...how are they going to turn away all those people tomorrow? I mean, really, Chicago's closed. Chicago's going to be closed, man, game over, like NYC in 1975--who's going to tell them to drop dead when Gerald Ford still is? Does Rod Blagojevich's hair look so funny now folks? Of course it still does--he sports quite a pate--but that's not the point. Ask any scientist and most philosophers, and they'll tell you that there is no point (eat your heart out Michael C. Moynihan). I concur.

C'mon, Gerald Ford spared us from so much, you know. Like upholding law and order and allowing Nixon to be prosecuted fairly (no favors, no sentimentality, just the letter of the law) so we wouldn't be in the mess we're in right now with the executive branch. But to be fair, the integrity of all three are endangered now, so thanks, Jerry, for saving us from ourselves. Why celebrate Woodstock when you should be reflecting on Nixon's resignation 35 years ago? Pardon me. Where was I? Ah yes, Chicago, home to the water tower that Oscar Wilde loved so much...

So, if you want to go to a library, a city clinic, have your garbage picked-up--crazy shit like that--you're outta luck, babe, the social contract is over, and they put one on you. The cost-cuts (sounds commercial) being done with the City of Chicago only affect non-union and non-sworn union city workers, which to me just illustrates why we should be getting everyone unionized, just a thought. If union bosses had half-a-clue, they'd be unionizing every single illegal alien they could get their hands one, starting yesterday. And strikes? C'mon, people need work, but it's been 90 years since there was a general strike in a major American city, why not have one for yucks?

But don't go to Chicago tomorrow, on Monday, August 17th, 2009, things could go wrong. C'mon, most Chinese restaurants are closed on Mondays anyway! Monday= bad. They get it, man.