Arianna (A satirical play of high camp in one act) by Matt Janovic

“Arianna”

(A satirical play of high camp in one act)

by Matt Janovic

Cast of Characters

Arianna Huffington: Grecian belle of the ball, radical socialite, alleged raconteur, poseur, and social climber. A Cambridge graduate (boo! bad show!), and best-selling authoress. She has a face that would launch a thousand franchise-outlets and a voice similar to Barbara Walters (the bridesmaid at her first wedding) in the 1970s.

The Decaying Ghost of Ronald Reagan (reanimated scientifically by the Republican Party for your convenience): the greatest dead president that never lived in American history.

Newt Gingrich: a pathetic excuse for a man--a politician and Republican.

Michael Huffington: a bisexual Houston oil heir, former congressman, and former husband of the leading lady. Constance was to Oscar Wilde what Michael was to Arianna.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Two Rednecks

Rahm Emanuel: Former Illinois Representative and the man closest to the President, and linguistic cousin to Richard M. Nixon, Rod Blagojevich, and potty-mouthed politicians and writers everywhere.

Author Tom Wolfe: An astute chronicler of ongoing social/political/cultural satires/catastrophes who wears Tennessee Williams-esque ice cream suits.

Actor George Clooney: a strapping Irish-American lad and icon of mainstream Democrats.

(Standing in as the Chorus) The American public, playing (with) themselves offstage, as they tend to do.

Al Franken: comedian and DNC court jester.

Chris Matthews: MSNBC political commentator and enemy of Arianna Huffington.

A Former Huffington Post staffer: [Name Redacted]

The scene: (The Huffington villa, at an undisclosed location in California. The set is what can only be described as one of the finest, most expensive examples of stagecraft the theater has ever known, you should really should have seen it, it was some choice digs, even with the break-away walls and ceilings. Indeed, Leni Riefenstahl is spinning in her grave as I write this, the spectacle being so wonderful and New Agey that I can feel it within my Shakras as I write this.

An explosion occurs, and a mandala is formed from a swirling column of smoke and the use of mirrors above the set. Newt Gingrich and Al Franken are sitting next to her; both are seated on gold-anodized lawn chairs. They’re all very clearly drunk…on alcohol and the power that comes with notoriety.)

Arianna: “Not only is it harder to be a man, it is also harder to become one,” and I should know since I’ve tried to be one all of my life. [Disembodied applause and catcalls commence from the Chorus, the voices being female with one very low male voice, laughing.] They say—whoever-the hell they are—that a “penis is a good thing to bring to a picnic”—I concur on that. Ever had to squat in the brush? Why are you here anyway, Newt? I thought we had 86’d our ties long ago. What gives?

Newt Gingrich: "I'm going to tell you something, and whether or not it's plausible given the world you come out of is your problem. I am not 'running' for president. I am seeking to create a movement to win the future by offering a series of solutions so compelling that if the American people say I have to be president, it will happen,” or so help me God I’ll wring your Greek neck! [He motions towards Huffington while still sitting in his chair, his hands moving towards her throat. She shoos him away with a flyswatter, smacking him in the face repeatedly, which makes the same sound as when Curly of the Three Stooges is slapped by Moe. Newt looks dumbfounded then settles back into a martini.]

Arianna: That kind of talk again. I know, I know. “I truly believed that the private sector could step up to the plate and provide the financial resources and the volunteer time to tackle poverty and all those social problems. I really did. But then I found out firsthand, through observing the Republican leadership at work, how unserious they were about addressing those issues.” [She’s shaking her head back-and-forth much as a Sicilian mother would.] How did I ever believe you cared about the poor? Oi-yoi-yoi…

Franken: [Shaking his head.] Until you fell off of that mule on the road to Damascus, hitting your head on a rock…me! I may have taken LSD at SNL, but I could never have been so high as to think that the Republicans would ever care about the poor. Frankly, it’s just the reverse: I’m high enough right now to believe that the Democrats care about the poor. I gotta split, there’s an election to contest and win. [Laughing uproariously as he exits, continuing offstage, interrupting subsequent dialog occasionally.]

Chorus: You go girl! How could she believe the Republicans would help the poor, like ever?! [Looking at directly at her, slightly out-of-unison.] What…were you stupid or something?! [Voices rising-in-unison again.] We’re talking about the Republicans here, shithead. Pf-ffft! [Resignedly] Rich people. [Grumbling] She’s worse: a social climber. Arianna was suffering from Stockholm’s syndrome.

[The Chorus walks offstage grumbling, to the left.]

Newt Gingrich: Yup, Stockholm syndrome, and I should know. [Breaking the fourth wall, he winks directly at the audience.] “You can't trust anybody with power.” [He winks the same way again.] I don’t even trust myself—you know, that whole thing with “the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing,” especially when the left hand doesn’t want to be briefed on it without acceptable counsel. Yawp.

Yet, “[a]ll free people stand on Reagan's shoulders. His principled policies proved that free markets create wealth, that the rule of law sustains freedom, and that all people everywhere deserve the right to dream, to pursue their dreams, and to govern themselves.” [Snickers loudly, and then shrugs. Arianna looks bored.] “How to Overthrow the Government”? Been there, done that.

“I'm not a natural leader. I'm too intellectual; I'm too abstract. I think too much,” and I have a very large head. [Arianna yawns, while Gingrich begins to look nervous. His delivery accelerates accordingly, sounding similar to a hog auctioneer.]

“Frankly I believe that there's too little funding for intelligence, we have too few assets and too few analysts. And I think if the Congress and others are going to demand a greater capacity in intelligence we're going to have to be prepared to pay for a more sophisticated and a more intense structure of intelligence capabilities, and I think its wrong for some members of Congress to vote to cut intelligence spending, to vote to cut the number of intelligence analysts and then to set unrealistically high demands on the intelligence community.” [Whispers]

Do I have snot on my corduroy suit? It’s impossible to get it out. The more you rub-it-in—don’t get any ideas, woman—the worse it gets, Jesus. Out, damn spot, out!

[The Chorus returns, some smoking discourteously, others holding a hard drink.]

Chorus: Hmmmm. Is he retarded? Yes…emotionally.

Arianna: I’ve taken down bigger, fatter men than you Newt Gingrich, even with your bizarrely enormous head and girth and all your cronies and mistresses--I can do it. My namesake husband was more of a man than you—and he’s gay--making me a very curious form of social climber, but not atypical. [She looks self-consciously around with her eyes.]

But never mind all of that: You have bigger problems. “When your house is burning down, you don't worry about the remodeling…” lard ass, you hit the fat farms.

Your flabby ass is the new symbol of the end of conservatism. You look and sound like an old Soviet commissar...like that Tim Russert asshole. And how dare you—I loved Michael!

Chorus/A’murka: Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oah! Score! [They sing] That’s gotta hurt! Oh! Newt feels wounded.

Newt: Speak for yourself Cambridge bitch, Oxford’s the better school, even if it’s teeming with English ponces. [Pauses, confused.] What other kind of ponce would they be? German? Goddmaned--just shut-up, shut-up with that. F. Scott Fitzgerald’s character Gatsby was an “Oggsford man,” not a Cambridge one.

You know how I can tell if it’s love or lust, Lady Macbeth? I cut my finger…if I bleed and it hurts, I’m real, and therefore there is no love, simple as that. So: lust it is!

Forget sentimentality, Arianna. You know that “[w]e must create to destroy,” and that one of my favorite bands in the 1990s was Too Much Joy, not Anita Bryant. Over is over. I know, I know—they turned out to be a bunch of pinko musicians. “It's going to be a bummer if Mars turns out to be like us,” and that ain’t hay, sister. So forget all your “yadda-yaddas,” and get on with it.

You know--toots--I still don’t understand to this day why you created that anti-poverty foundation for my think tank, it was completely bat-shit crazy [He stirs his martini with his finger.]. It wasn’t sad seeing you go, but we still need your likes. When you’re a true believer, you’re a true believer, and the GOP thrives on that bullshit. You know, people who think the world’s flat.

As a Republican, you were a paradox, and as a liberal or a “lefty,” you’re the same. Being around the rich is your world, your milieu, even more than mine, yet you actually care about the poor. I’m also a social climber, but you’re the Edmund Hillary of rising above the herd, Lady Macbeth. Forget Mt. Everest, baby, you’re shooting for the top-slot, to be the “womyn” behind the curtain, the real power, the “head cheese,” the brass, the barista of braggadocio, the Grand Wazoo, the Wizard of Oz…shit!

[The sound of a singing chorus of angels begins. A giant and expansive half-shell appears above and behind Huffington and Gingrich. Inside it appears the smiling Hollywood star George Clooney. He walks down onto some invisible-stairs that lead down from the pod. Huffington begins swooning, panting, and yes, salivating uncontrollably, quite a feat for a post-menopausal woman, but she drank a lot of fluids beforehand.]

Arianna: Ohmigod!!!!!!!!!

George Clooney: Hi guys. [He winks. Sustained applause ensues.] “I am a liberal. And I make no apologies for it. Hell, I'm proud of it. Too many people run away from the label. They whisper it like you'd whisper "I'm a Nazi,” like it's a dirty word. But turn away from saying "I'm a liberal" and it's like you're turning away from saying that blacks should be allowed to sit in the front of the bus, that women should be able to vote and get paid the same as a man, that McCarthy was wrong, that Vietnam was a mistake. And that Saddam Hussein had no ties to al-Qaeda and had nothing to do with 9/11.

This is an incredibly polarized time (wonder how that happened?). But I find that, more and more, people are trying to find things we can agree on. And, for me, one of the things we absolutely need to agree on is the idea that we're all allowed to question authority. We have to agree that it's not unpatriotic to hold our leaders accountable and to speak out.

That's one of the things that drew me to making a film about Murrow. When you hear Murrow say, "We mustn't confuse dissent with disloyalty" and "We can't defend freedom at home by deserting it at home," it's like he's commenting on today's headlines.

The fear of being criticized can be paralyzing. Just look at the way so many Democrats caved in the run up to the war. In 2003, a lot of us were saying, where is the link between Saddam and bin Laden? What does Iraq have to do with 9/11? We knew it was bullshit, which is why it drives me crazy to hear all these Democrats saying, "We were misled."

It makes me want to shout, "Fuck you, you weren't misled. You were afraid of being called unpatriotic."

Bottom line: it's not merely our right to question our government. It's our duty, whatever the consequences. We can't demand freedom of speech then turn around and say, ‘But please don't say bad things about us.’ You gotta be a grown-up and take your hits.

I am a liberal. Fire away. ” [Clooney walks back up the staircase, returns to the “Venus on a shell”-like pod, and vanishes dramatically, but under the production’s budget. Arianna runs to the stairs that abruptly vanish. She’s despondent.]

Newt: What the fuck was he talking about? Hey!! You didn’t really say that!

Chorus: No shit, Sherlock…well he did, but… [They moan in-unison.] Newt was right…and wrong. He did say it, except not just now. Is that clear? Forget it.

Newt: Where’d he go?

Arianna: N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o! God, that man is catnip! [She starts sobbing.]

Newt: "You talk about crying! The spring of 1988, I spent a fair length of time trying to come to grips with who I was and the habits I had, and what they did to people that I truly loved. I really spent a period of time where, I suspect, [?!] I cried three or our times a week. I read Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them [,] and I found frightening pieces that related to...my own life."

Hey, what was the deal with you and Michael Huffington anyway? I mean, “[i]t is madness to pretend that families are anything other than heterosexual couples. I think it goes to the core of how civilization functions,” yet here you are, the biggest fag hag in the Western world preaching tolerance when you used to be one of us. What happened?! We’re both social Darwinists at heart--c’mon toots, gimme some skin, give us a kiss.

[Acerbic author Tom Wolfe enters the room, eyeing Gingrich and Huffington with disdain. At the same moment a bag of bones falls from the ceiling and crashes to the floor. The sound of a charming old man’s voice groaning is heard, then sputters-out. It’s the legacy of Ronald Reagan.]

Tom Wolfe: Arianna, have you read my book, Radical Chic? I-

Arianna: [Cutting him off like Charles Foster Kane.] I have. [They glare at one another.] Wearing that stupid ice-cream colored suit isn’t ever going to make you Tennessee Williams, unless perhaps you choked to death on a plastic bottle-cap. Are you retarded?

Wolfe: I seemed to have walked into the Algonquin. [He pauses for a painfully long time.] Nah, too easy… [He exits.]

Newt: [Sound of knocking.] Why, I think I hear a knock at the door. Who could that be?

[The door opens, and a masked figure enters the room. The unknown person is wearing a Young Republicans t-shirt.]

Arianna: Is that the pizza we ordered or the hummus platter? [She looks at him, drolly.] You know—what time is it? What day is it? I need to get something done around here. They say that procrastination is a “failed state.” I should know being a former conservative.

A Former Huffington Post staffer: M-mfhhh, mfghaghrrrrrrrrrr-gghggggnashhhaahhhhhhhhhhhmmrrrrrfff!

Newt: What the hell is he saying? Goddammit, spit it out boy! I hate this shi-hey, he’s got something in his mouth! Look! [He points his index-finger insouciantly at the staffer’s mouth. It contains a black rubber ball. It pops-out and rolls onto the floor. The staffer begins talking.] There it is….and out it goes.

Staffer: [Whining, outraged.] She called me a “retard” once and made me get her coffee and Bears tickets!

Newt: You too, huh? Welcome to the club, pal, she had me running her errands all the time, and I was her boss back then. [Gingrich takes the staffer aside.] Look, "It is perfectly American to be wrong." I reserve this right, as does Arianna…or is it areola? Excuse me, I’m getting horny just thinking about it, but maybe that’s just me. [Huffington glares at him without comment for thirty seconds.] [Depressed.] …

Yep, it’s just me. Does anyone know where I can get a good Chinese hooker? Let’s go hit Chinatown, go out kickin’ the gong around, going ha-cha-cha! [He begins dancing, badly.]

Arianna: Wrong decade, Newt, I know you pine for the 1920s, but the 1930s and the New Deal are coming anyway and there’s nothing you or your imperiled GOP can do about it. You did it to yourselves.

Newt: [Speaking to the staffer.] Listen pal, buck-up and accept the rules of the workplace like everyone else, and all that Horatio Alger crap we’re selling all the time at the GOP, all that “rags-to-riches” bullshit for the dumb-fucks, the “help.” Excuse me again… [He reaches around and scratches his ass.]

Staffer: Who the hell was Horatio Alger?

Newt: [Continuing as though the staffer never said anything.] …Everyone’s had a retarded boss who tells us to do one thing--we do it properly--and then they yell at us later for doing it because they’re fucking senile and they forgot what they originally told us. Happens all the time, mack. Regardless, I support Arianna’s right as an employer to treat you like that. God, I’ve got “ragged dick” these days, ouch, shit, sorry.

My first wife infected me with a conscience, which gives me eczema on… [Whispering in a strange drawl.] You know. I’ll never let that happen again…uh, you know, being “infected with a conscience,” never.

[Arnold Schwarzenegger enters, and don’t get any ideas from this stage direction, pervs.]

Schwarzenegger: Yoo know, I haff’ worked with many fagsz here in my time here in Cal-i-forn-ia—‘dey are not so bad…fagsz. ‘Dey do not know da’value of tearing-off a goot piece-of-assth, but dey are fery hard vorkars and can re-dec-or-ate like no one else, fucking hands-down!! [Sincerely, pleadingly, with an Austrian sense of sentimentality.] Homos are not so battt. Why da’ fuck did I want to be gov-er-nor? [He starts sobbing.]

Newt: What the hell is he talking about? At the GOP, we always say, “Until the grownups come to find us, we’ll have some fun.”

Arianna: Why are you quoting William Golding?

Newt: Who’s that?

Schwarzenegger: [As though the last exchange never occurred.] "If I would do another 'Terminator' movie I would have Terminator travel back in time and tell Arnold not to have a special election." …"It's the most difficult [decision] I've made in my entire life, except the one I made in 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax."

Yooh haff made mis-takes as well, Arianna. But I am with you on this: "I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman."

"Nixon was always being attacked sexually. It was always said that he was a fag and that he had no sexual relations with his wife for 15 years and that was why he liked power. And Hitler had only one ball, and that was why he wanted to conquer the world." As we know today, ‘dis hass all been found to be ‘da truth, it’s in ‘da new Kinsey Report, I read it avidly.

Arianna: Uh, let’s not talk about all that—my last marriage--shall we? This is all getting too close to home, thank you. “We need to accept that we won't always make the right decisions, that we'll screw up royally sometimes - understanding that failure is not the opposite of success; it's part of success.” I’ve made mistakes, but marrying Michael wasn’t one of them, he was my entre into the world of well-heeled West coast elites…the gay mafia.

These guys don’t “burn the saint,” they burn an image of Divine or Judy Garland! Eek! [Looks up.] Thanks—Plato—for inventing camp. My heart really yearns for Greece, it really does, but I prefer more “cosmopolitan digs.” …“Of course, at heart, I’m still a superstitious Greek peasant girl, so I’m not counting my chickens – or my lambs – yet…,” and not without prepared talking points.

Schwarzenegger: [With Germanic cunning.] You too, huh? Oh, uh…I never married Michael, but…uh…I had better shut-up now.

Chorus: Now?!

Schwarzenegger: And I ‘vuss never a Greek peasant girl--at least not in this life! I must go now, my head hurts. There is a state to run—I ‘tink--but I am unsure which one. [He exits.]

Newt: What a man. I’m feeling literary tonight—and why not? OK, I agree you’re not any more senile than I am, Arianna. “We're all human and we all goof. Do things that may be wrong, but do something.” Hey! We’re really not so different after all!

[Cue Keith Forsey’s very bad 1980s-instrumental music from the John Hughes movie, “The Breakfast Club.” They all get up from the lawn chairs and do an incredibly goofy dance found only in the Carpathian Alps, the Caucasus, and America. NBC political commentator and avowed enemy of Huffington walks onstage unnoticed and places wiretapping devices on Gingrich’s forehead and on Arianna’s purse. They are very large bugging-devices shaped and designed like Obama campaign buttons.]

Chris Matthews: Bitch. [He scurries offstage much like a sand crab, but not before copping-a-feel from Gingrich.] Hee-hee-hee! [Audibly grumbling within audience earshot.] At least there’s a Chris Matthews doll! [Looking squarely at Huffington, he physically punctuates every other syllable with karate-chops.] Spy…on…my…friends…for…your…pansy…husband—I’ll show you.

[Arnold Schwarzenegger is seen in the background of the stage, shaking his head sadly.]

Schwarzenegger: I have been in this state for too long. I have totally fucked-up my life.

Chris Matthews: I never liked this place either. “Keep your enemies in front of you…” that’s all I can say to you, Arnold.

Schwarzenegger: Aren’t you some kind of a pinko, some pathetic liberal talking head?

Chris Matthews: Not to my friends. “My audience is much more center right, or centrist.” Besides, I keep telling people that I saw a doll of myself in Toronto—you can’t get more mainstream than that. No, no, it’s all talk, I can assure you.

“I tell my staff, we’re riding a tour bus around, and we’re going to stop and look at some weird stuff - but we’re taking our viewers around safely. They’re just looking out the window at it. I’m trying to create a sense of comfort for my center audience.” You know, bullshit.

[Cue “Rocky Mountain Breakdown.”]

[Two rednecks come hither, sidling-up, both carrying incredibly old shotguns, one with a bandoleer and brandishing a sidearm in his hands.]

Chorus: Hee-haw! Two rednecks approach. They mean well, but have read just enough to be a problem to everyone.

Redneck #1: [To Schwarzenegger.] Hey…you ain’t from around these parts, are yeh?! Hehehehehehehaha-bleah-hahhahahahahah!!

Chris Matthews: As a matter of fact, I’m from Nicetown, Pennsylvania. Sounds better than “the man from Hope,” doesn’t it?

Schwarzenegger: …Nein, I am not from “around deese parts,” as you call it.

Redneck #2: Hey Zeke--we ain’t from around these parts neither!

[The rednecks both look at each other confused, then shrug, and leave the stage.]

Schwarzenegger: Where can a guy get a goot trink around ‘dis fucking town, because I need one. Once, there was a time when …"I was always dreaming about very powerful people - dictators and things like that. I was just always impressed by people who could be remembered for hundreds of years, or even, like Jesus, be for thousands of years remembered." Now this can never be for me, it is ovah, and I haff been made a girlie-man by the state of Cal-i-forn-ia. “Now I understand why you humans cry.”

[He lowers his head, sadly, poignantly, in a way that would make director James Cameron gush. The Hollywood sign rises in the background of the minimalist set that would make both Derek Jarman and Busbee Berkley proud. Birds are chirping, wildfires erupt to the right in the forced perspective “distance,” sirens are blaring, and the sounds of faraway gunplay and yelling are heard.]

Chris Matthews: “Greenfield Morning I Pushed an Empty Baby Carriage All Over the City”. It was one of those days, I guess.

[Meanwhile, Arianna and Newt have been paid a visit by Rahm Emanuel, the Dutch Schultz of American politics.]

Arianna: Oh! What a powerful man! Wow. [Emanuel looks pleased; he’s preening.]

Rahm Emanuel: “When people told me 'It's great to be here', they meant at the house, not with me.” …”As individuals, we will be judged in our lives by the totality of our actions. Not one thing will stand out. And I think that's how we get judged by our colleagues and that's how we get judged by the good lord.” …”I sometimes joke, [Arianna], [but] even paranoid people have enemies.

Newt: I think you’re looking at one right now…

Chorus/Arianna/Rahm Emanuel: Shut the fuck up!

End

More "she were suicided" fun at UK site Mathaba

Ed.--It never ends, and what a bunch of scared turds there are out there. She committed suicide. A jackape named "Sarah" points-out that I made an observation last May that Palfrey's suicide notes were legitimate and that some wild speculator named "J.J. Raymond" was completely wrong in his analysis of the handwriting.

As any fool knows--and aren't we all fools these days--handwriting analysis is entirely speculative and not a science but an art. Not that this little man was working from originals at any point, nor is likely to ever do so. He and the "she were suicided" crew have nothing.

Raymond and these morons know this, and they know that that's all they have regarding the death of Jeane Palfrey: speculations, and wild ones with wild leaps of logic found among those with just enough knowledge to be a problem to others. That's right, stupid people who can read a little. Below is my reply to "Sarah," I assume a fake identity of someone without a shred of credibility when it comes to the last year of Deborah Jeane Palfrey.

"The problem with your contention is that I'm saying the suicide notes were not forged, they were real. Therefore--based on my own ten month correspondence with her, my general defense research for her--I say none of you have a clue what you're talking/writing about here in any respect. I could care less about Mr. Raymond's opinions on the matter, or those found in the rest of the comments.

You were not part of the story, I was, and so were others. Ask Larisa Alexandrovna, go ask any of the journalists who interviewed her and they will tell you that she was unbalanced throughout the entire ordeal. That you cannot ascertain the obvious from the whole catastrophe is a mark of how unintelligent and irrational you all are.

Let me make it clear: she killed herself by her own hand. She was offered excellent plea deals that she refused again and again, she put out numerous suicidal cues throughout the affair, she had made similar threats/statements back in 1992, she emailed me, a co-researcher, and noted journalist Jason Leopold (hiding it, presumably) from her then-counsel, and she even expressed it to her civil counsel, Montgomery Blair Sibley. This is why he was removed from the case by her. There is more, and it is coming from me and from others who I assume are writing their own accounts for the record.

But again, I could really care less about the opinions of those who have no idea what they're talking about in this whole story. Why you wish to believe this--and it is a desire, obviously--is a matter of scared little people. Go ahead, believe the world is flat, there is a divine Jesus, there are aliens abducting rednecks (who else would they want to communicate with?), and that everything is under totalitarian rule. Believe the fiction, I don't really care, and neither do most intelligent adults with a clue."

I would also add that pointing-out earlier comments when the news was fresh is the oldest trick in the book on the part of the huckster conspiracy salesperson. Want fries with your book and conspiracy mug? I know, I know: t'was the gub'ment, even before there was one.

That's an arch-conservative argument, incidentally (not-so-incidentally, or coincidentally), part of the redneck problem. Congratulations Sarah, you learned how to cut-and-paste, you're a genius. Mr. Raymond? A funny little man with very little company on this topic.

UK's Mathaba (who are they?) parrots "Palfrey was murdered" theory

Ed.--Never content to take things as they really are, Mathaba has joined the list of the over-credulous who contend that Deborah Jeane Palfrey (dubbed the "DC Madam" by the mainstream American press) was "murdered." Facts don't matter when holding this theory, and lots of other exculpatory evidence must be ignored when contending something as baseless as this.

Paranoia has gone from a form of consciousness to an almost mainstream subculture, also making it a consumer phenomena. Worthless. The link at the bottom leads to the original offender, the comments above it are my reply. I am uncertain whether it will be posted there or not.

Writer Diana Lee might be a great person, I have no idea, but her article isn't "great," "good," or even well researched. It's part of a new form of literature, sadly taken for fact. Put it on the shelf next to books on UFOs, Atlantis, and the Piltdown man being "real." Ten months of correspondence means something. Ten minutes on Google does not.

Two well known journalists I have had the pleasure of contacting have assured me that they also felt Palfrey was disturbed. Others are likely to concur. But didn't we all fail her? Yes, we did. We should have helped her, and I tried in my own way, but there was nothing to be done. She was intent on acquittal...or death.

"I would question the research in this piece, specifically on the point that the deceased Ms. Palfrey was "murdered," or "died under suspicious circumstances." For this to be possible, one has to very selectively assemble a conglomeration of statements she made to the press, sans context.

For example: some of these quotes of her fear dying suspiciously was usually found in the context of her going to prison and being found dead there. This is rarely ever reported, and I suspect, parsed out of the original interviews for being inconvenient and dissonant to the baseless theory that she was murdered. There's no evidence of this whatsoever.

As a matter of fact, having had a ten month correspondence with Ms. Palfrey until March 20, 2008, and having been a general defense researcher for her at her own request, I can say with reasonable authority that she was incredibly unbalanced mentally and that I held fears from my involvement with her from June 2007 until it ended in the spring of 2008. There was a real bombshell that she kept from her counsel, but sent to myself, a co-researcher, and journalist Jason Leopold on February 28th, 2008. I reprint it here, in-full:

'Jason… let’s put it like this, the bastards aren’t going to take me alive. Of course, anytime that you want to do an interview – I will make myself available. However, I doubt that I will be doing any interviews once I am in D.C., for the trial. –Best, Jeane'

There is other information that supports this, including statements she made to the mainstream American press. From spring of 2007 until the end, she was frequently making absolute statements that, "I'm not going back to prison, not one day," and, "The government isn't taking anything away from me."

Taken together with her 1992 conviction affidavit where she expressed suicidal wishes, the conditions under which her counsel Montgomery Blair Sibley was discharged (at the time, Jeane told me, "Things were said that cannot be taken back."), prosecutorial misconduct that could include not calling for a competency hearing when they knew they had a suicidal defendant, and other comments she made to me and others. This article is speculative-at-best in this area, and I would suggest in others by-implication. Do your research, look around.

Palfrey's greatest motive in killing herself was the abatement issue that also gets ignored by holders of this stupid theory that, "She were murdered." There is no solid evidence at this writing of this being the case, and I would suggest that Gary Webb was a career journalist who was dumb enough to care what his peers in his field thought of him, one of the main causes of his suicide."

Suspicious Deaths of Those Who Knew Too Much Under Bush's Watch: http://mathaba.net/news/index.shtml?AA_SL_Session=9e0f6d58b026cededc2fff62a2eb6e50&nocache=invalidate&sh_itm=e2180bbf199e454a54fab122f4a7301e&rXn=1#disc

President Obama so far

Washington D.C.--What can I write other than, "So far, so good"? Rather than stupidly cow-tow to a disgraced Republican minority, the President is moving forward rapidly towards fixing some of the mess left by them and not worrying himself with the petty obstructionism that they're known for. Welcome back to minority status, and get used to it.

That the GOP has no vision that's going to help the average American is now understood by the majority. What do they have against the Democratic version of the stimulus bill? It's not what you're being told: $125 billion for our schools, a tripling of the education budget, more insurance coverage for the unemployed, and even some new moves towards progressive taxation not seen since before Ronald Reagan.

That this is an end of Reaganism is now assured, and today, the new President has signed no less than three executive orders protecting and supporting the right of Americans to organize unions in the workplace. That would never have happened under Clinton, Bush I & II, or even Jimmy Carter. For over a generation the Democratic Party had lost its way and suffered from an identity crisis. Perhaps that time is over, but it's still a wait-and-see. But for now, the Democrats are doing what they haven't in ages, namely acting as though they actually won.

This writer is sitting-back and allowing the new President to make his best attempts, to let him succeed or to fail. Nobody should want him to fail, but the GOP is still intent on self-destruction--we should oblige them in this and also step-back and allow them to do so. The first hundred days of any administration are crucial, and he deserves every chance to fix the mess created by rampant deregulation under the Republican Party. Why are they acting so boldly?

One answer is that they have the Justice Department back again. Time to use it to enforce the laws of the land again, which means prosecutions of Bush II administration members who have clearly broken the law. First on the list would be former Vice President Richard Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and former AG Alberto Gonzales for authorizing torture, and that's just for starters.

Songs from the Site Meter: Dan Moldea? Press?

Ed.--Dan Moldea was rumored to have been writing a book with the late "DC Madam," Deborah Jeane Palfrey. Sometime in the summer of last year, both the Palfrey Estate and Montogmery Blair Sibley laid-claim to the 150 page manuscript that I presume is the book that her and Moldea were working on.

At no point did Moldea communicate with me, even at Palfrey's urging, which I didn't mind since he believes that RFK actually was shot by Sirhan Sirhan. I won't dwell on the obvious problems with his take on the assassination, but suffice it to say that Dr. Thomas Noguchi's autopsy report, all the irregularities, and the misbehavior and incompetence of the L.A.P.D. point to the handling of the event as problematic. I couldn't disagree more with anyone.

Moldea's also known as Larry Flynt's sometime investigator, he also does it freelance, and has had some success as a writer/researcher.

This new visit is interesting: is it him? Is it someone in the D.C. press corps looking for a connection between me and Mr. Moldea? I can save them the time by stating emphatically that I've never spoken with or corresponded with Mr. Moldea. There it is. However, what I did do was bring to the late Ms. Palfrey's attention the fact that he had a controversial background as a writer and that he was involved in a lawsuit over a book about pro football and the mafia. It's all common knowledge, and I believe that the court transcripts are available online to anyone looking for them.

I have no opinion regarding his abilities beyond the RFK book. A Feb. 23rd hearing over some issues regarding the Palfrey Estate are coming, in Washington D.C. with Federal District Judge James Robertson presiding. I would imagine most parties involved want to shut the door on the whole affair, which is curious and questionable.

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George W. Bush: Last white president?

I'm stealing this joke from a friend:

F: "Everyone's talking about how Obama's the first Black President, but not the fact that George W. Bush is the last white one."

Me: "Why's that?"

F: "Because, once you go Black, you never go back..."

Congratulations to President Obama, now please make us all proud. And thanks George: you gave us a more nationalized economy, expanded the powers of government to help and assist the needy, and paved the way for a Black president. I know it was a mistake, but that counts too.

Songs from the Site Meter: The Beginning of a New Era?

Site Meter--Investigate U.S. Attorney Jeffrey A. Taylor and the rest of the Bush II appointments. Just do it.

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The Nation reprints eerily prescient March, 1933 article, "Farewell to the Republicans"

WWW--The Nation has reprinted this article when--I know it's hard to imagine--there was an era of unprecedented corruption under Republican rule that led to an economic crisis. If you changed the names, you would think it was written this week.

But we are taking leave not merely of a single Administration. For twelve years the Republican Party has been in power. During ten of those years it controlled the executive and legislative branches of the government. When, a few years hence, an attempt is made to minimize the disaster of this last quadrennium, and to point to a preceding eight year period of material development and growth, let it be noted that in a purely material sense the American people are much worse off today than they were twelve years ago. Far more than was gained has been swept away. Savings have been dissipated, lives have been blasted, families disintegrated. Misery and insecurity exist to a degree unprecedented in our national life. And spiritually the American people have been debauched by the materialism which made dollar-chasing the accepted way of life and accumulation of riches the goal of earthly existence.

Sound familiar? If it doesn't, you might check to see if you have a pulse. Farewell to the Republicans and everyone like them, and may God damn those who still support them and their agenda.

"A Farewell to Republicans," The Nation, March 8, 1933:

http://www.thenation.com/doc/19330308/editors?rel=hp_currently

A Russian Finlandia Vodka ad from a old Prague Spring soldier

Ed.--This was forwarded to a friend of mine who lives in the Czech Republic--Brno to be exact--so much a citadel of computer hacking and pirating that many large tech-firms decided to hire them. My pal in Brno claims he was a signer of the Charter 77 Human Rights Statement to President Carter by Czech dissidents; we met in 1986, here in South Bend, we both worked at the same restaurant.

I have little reason to doubt him--he was kicked-out of Soviet dominated Czechoslovakia just months later. Lucky him. If you wonder what things are like in Russia right now, here's a little cultural artifact, a peek. I agree with the logic of the ad, as vulgar as it may be. It's just true, and it works. The bottom-text appears to be Czech. As anyone can tell, I created this ad, never mind the temerity of posting it here, at another internet location. The gall, I know.

You know you're from/in South Bend when...

You know you're from/in South Bend when you've missed every major social and cultural movement in the last forty years. Just sayin'!

You know you're from/in South Bend when you criticize aspects of it openly and are asked, "You from around here?"

You know you're from/in South Bend when Bobcat Goldthwait remarks how economically depressed it is at a show here, and it's when times were good.

You know you're from South Bend when you tell someone from another part of America you're from here, they don't understand, and you break down and say "Notre Dame." Then--and only then--do they "get" it.

You know you're in South Bend when the most exciting thing happening is a house on fire.

You know you're in South Bend when you realize that the most entertaining thing are the Snyders and the redneck disaster area that is Roseland, Indiana.

You know you're from/in South Bend when you realize that we have the finest homeless shelter in almost the entire continental United States, and that that's not necessarily a good thing.

You know you're from/in South Bend when 98% of the people you encounter here assume you're: Catholic, Polish, and a Notre Dame fan. Sydney Pollack was right.

You know you're from/in South Bend when you're aware that the poet James Whitcomb Riley lived here and that 99% of the local population do not.

You know you're from South Bend when you read the newspapers and read about the weekly drive-bys.

You know you're from/in South Bend when you see grown-men wearing spandex-tights that looked stupid in the 80s.

You know you're from/in South Bend when the South Bend Symphony Orchestra has yet to play very much 20th century music, and the 20th century is over. But, that's why you never go to see them, like everyone else.

You know you're from/in South Bend when most of the major industries here are housed in museums.

You know you're from/in South Bend when you're watching the outtakes from "This is Spinal Tap" and you notice that a character from South Bend is in it...and they're a total dork and a moron.

You know you're from/in South Bend when you realize very little ever changes here, and that Black people are almost the only people worth knowing. But: a beautiful place, just avoid the public and you'll be OK.