Saturday, March 06, 2010

Karl Rove, a pussy? Who woulda thunk? Me.


Word has it that Karl Rove's new book has a stunning admission: that he got his ass kicked by a girl as a kid! I know, hard to imagine considering he already looks like a muppet disguised as Heinrich Himmler (fuck you and the "law" you rode in on, Mr. Godwin), wrapped in an enigma, smothered in danish.

But look...OK, don't look, especially if you've eaten already, fuck me.

Is Karl Rove not the poster child for the squirming pathology that is most Republicans and the worst-of-the-worst in the corporate world? Yes, yes, rumor has it that Karl is gay, but does it really matter in the final analysis (and let's remember that "anal" is part of the word)? We all know that most of the last 30 years of Republican domination of the national dialog is hate-based, but it also has a weird revanchist quality underlying it (note that "lying" is a part of the word, made flesh). It's also not especially sexy and reeks of the socially-retarded dork.

Can this piece have more digressions? Yes. So, Rove gets his ass kicked-in decades ago by a little girl. Do you think he had it coming? First, let's recall that this was a little girl, they were both nine, and it fifty years ago. Could he be more of a pussy? Sure. Why would a little girl want to kick his ass in? Keep in mind that he horse-laughingly titled his Book of Lies (fuck you Crowley!) Courage and Consequence, which considering this "revelation," makes it more bizarre and funnier than Mein Kampf.
"Revanchist"? Yes, he lost masculine territory to the liberal skirts, and so, he would "get even" with them and "liberal America" after that fated day in 1960 when she punched him in the nose, and rightly so. Yes, the die had been cast, the gauntlet thrown down, and life would never, and could ever, be the same. It was war. Never mind that he was dumb enough to support Nixon at nine, so we have to assume his parents did poor job rearing him...

New York Magazine writes:
At age 9--and already a political nerd--he became a spirited supporter of Richard Nixon in the 1960 presidential smackdown against John F. Kennedy. So intense was his devotion that he landed a coveted Nixon bumper sticker and displayed it proudly on his bicycle basket -- until a little girl in his neighborhood who favored JFK beat the stuffing out of him, bloodying his nose and ego. "I've never liked losing a political fight since," Rove writes. ("Karl Rove Was Once Beaten Up By a Girl," New York Magazine, Daily Intel, 03.06.2010)
You gotta be fucking kidding me. If you're that into politics at nine, you're not just a "geek," but violently retarded. OK, I love women, and I would never admit to this in a million years, seriously, that a little girl kicked my ass. Yet, Rove queerly thinks that this little anecdote of his is normal and jokingly wears it as some kind of badge of courage as though it were some epic moment in his life...uh, erm, point taken, but now we know when his and his supporters' emotional development stopped.

I keep telling my friends this over and over again and have written the same here many times: scoundrels are perverse and they'll tell you everything lame, pathetic, and damning about themselves if you give it time and just watch and listen with the right eyes and ears. This is why monsters like Rove hide from the public eye so much and only appear groundhog-stylee at "friendly" venues with hand-picked audiences brimming with their allies. Fine, but the shoehorn fits. All that said, why in the hell would anyone outside of the acquisitions department of a library buy this worthless piece-of-crap book that's very little more than self-serving lies? What the hell is the point or reading it when it's almost nothing but bullshit?

I would imagine, though, that this one part of the book is its truest part, Karl Rove's "rosebud," the crowning rosette of his pathetic political epitaph. What a clown. He's just given historians the final blow, and he's already roundly hated by them and the rest of the world. Being forgotten would be a far better fate.