And now, for BP CEO Tony Hayward's next act...

Rumors are swirling that Mr. Hayward's (not to be confused with Tony Banks, a member of the rock group Genesis, nor Mr. Moto ) next act will be neither sexual or pulling a rabbit out of his hat (same thing), but as the simultaneous directors of Moveon.org and Greenpeace. Shortly after the ink's dried on all of the contracts, Mr. Hayward is scheduled to eat a live kitten in a televised broadcast. The remaining parts will be auctioned for charity. Afterward, he'll recount his time as a member of the Sawney Beane clan and his years of torment in an English public school.