Not claiming to have reinvented the wheel here (cut-ups), but these made a good polyglot that makes more sense than most of the news these days. If Donald Rumsfeld can do it, so can I:
"I love smoking weed and shit, but cowards never do: I've only smoked Mr. Smiley twice--the first time was fucking insane, I got retarded high off like 3 hits of a blunt from behind a whorehouse two-way mirror. By the way, he fucks good when there were tears at the Kenyan Embassy.
Bin Laden's death could inspire new attacks, so I saved the rest, then I got home from work and smoked what was left. He wants to have two women at a time like porn stars but I can't shit you: it's like I was tripping acid, yo. I started hearing voices and started hallucinating.
A guy said, 'Mark Byers, stop hideing behind the bible and be a man' but people it was awesome. I would rather love to smoke weed and proclaim: 'Own up to what you did, Mr Smiley, because he is the same Jack [Burkman] in 2011.' "
And so, with a little tweaking, three comments become a cause for my personal safety. Tah!